this year has dragged on but also bombarded us with so much Content and news and tragedy that there are so many things that get forgotten in the sea of constant struggle for our attention. one of the defining Moments for me this past year was the podcast frenemies ending. last fall, there were so much uncertainty lingering in the air that it felt difficult to breathe. sometimes quite literally because covid was still back at it again with the super spreads. the election was nigh and it was somehow looking worse than it currently does. or it, at least, felt that way.
enter frenemies, which was cohosted by trisha paytas (a meme legend who was more troll than human; jury still out if that has truly changed) and ethan klein, a youtuber i had heard of in passing but had never really explored his channel’s body. two extremely different people bonded by their youtube careers, hatred of badly behaving influencers, and domino’s pizza. they did gaffs and goofs and roasted other people as often as they roasted each other. it was such fun to escape into their chaos and forget the chaos of the world. their chemistry was electric but eventually the black and pink circuit board fried and blew up in both of their faces.
but tonight we do not gather on
the eve of 1jeremy strong’s birthday to once again bemoan the loss of the thing that helped me keep me sane during 2020 that did not require laborious island maintenance or turnip black market scamming. instead, we are here to pick up the slack that the explosive ending of frenemies has left in its wake: THE (second annual) STEAMY AWARDS!!!! the only honest award show that highlights the moments that are probably not making any other end of the year lists. so without further ado, the nominations are…..
aaron rodgers: your faves’ fave took a break from publicly dating famous women to be the nfl’s joe rogan which tracks because joe rogan is the friend he reached out to “figure out a protocol in case i got covid.” despite lying about his vaccination status and wearing a hoodie that says “cancel culture” in an interview, he actually is an ally because his insistence and encouragement of other players to disregard the vaccine in favour of ivermectin may hopefully take down the entire nfl with him as omnicron rages on!
channing tatum and zoe kravitz: these pap walk legends were my bennifer this year as the they went everywhere together dressed like a walking catalogue advertisement. but they also have been very quiet on their vaccine status, and the last time lisa bonet talked about her daughter’s vaccination status…well…channing tatum tested negative after his 40th birthday party so i pray his immune system keeps that same energy because it should be illegal to look that good while potentially super spreading2 around the city!!!!!
man who wore a thong as a mask on a flight: this took place in florida because of course it did
robert f. kennedy jr: even though i now know the f stands for francis, it may as well stand for fucking idiot because he may be a kennedy, but he has the online presence of tila tequila so i imagine his book has the same big brained ideas…… when donald trump is making more sense than you, are you not embarrazzed???
biggest clout goblin
j.lo: bennifer pap walks. a-rod tiktoks. does it count as starting a challenge if not a single other soul competes? when the oscars snubbed hustlers and a-rod lived up the douchiness of his nickname, jenny from le block said that ain’t no problem! i will kiss my shell of a former boyfriend with masks on and you will watch!!!!
kimberly noel kardashian: there has been little that the maker of an app i spent too much money playing would not do for a Moment in the blinding lights. but this pete davidson tomfoolery is next level. there is not having your dignity and then there is FLYING in to staten island. and still, nobody but kanye really cares. embarrassing!
nikita dragun: online celebrity version of pap walks at la hot spots begging for relevancy. from bad songs to super spreader influencer parties to snapchat reality shows, nikita certainly was busy this year! she recently posted some disturbing posts about being held in a mental hospital which seems too low to have faked or hyped up for content (even for her) so the wall street jordan is wishing the little clout scammer warm wishes, thoughts, prayers, etc.
paris hilton: for some reason, what she had to say on popular news stories in 2021 was important?? the poor heiress was everywhere after her 2020 youtube documentary much to my personal dismay/disgust.
terry crews: mostly had nowhere else to express my disdain/embarrassment over that amazon ad he did
biggest douchebag of 2021
couch guy: this was so funny to me.
james charles: should be in prison :-) but to publicly admit that you messaged minors and apologise ONCE AGAIN for your nasty behaviour. and then delete the apology?? rawt in hell, jim charlie!!!!
jk rowling: i enjoyed the harry potter books and movies but i never was as gagged for gringot’s the way some people were. but jk rowling did create a fun thing and to have it tarnished by her insistence on being a transphobic freak?? not linking to any of the horrible things she has tweeted because they are evil and circulating them further is not on my to-do lists. would be a real shame if death eaters got her……..
keemstar: last year’s winner has only increased in douchelordery! you know how sometimes if i feel Safe behind the paywall on paid posts i will you my unfiltered opinion on someone? keemstar does the same thing but instead of writing a silly little substack that is more group text than wholly informative, he runs a show on youtube he claims is a reputable news source. def noodles has already eclipsed him more over and he embarrassed himself on adin ross’s stream so devastatingly so he is lucky he even is on the radar! but he will forever be a manchild slanderous bald baby!!
ryan kavanaugh: the man once accused of running a ponzi scheme by his former business partner, running a flipped app (as noted by his board member noah beck), producing great movies years ago (he is still producing but beyond the lights in 2014 was the last watchable movie imho), he still manages to find time in his busy schedule to tag the literal fbi online because ethan klein is not nice to him online.
biggest mean girl of 2021
brian cox: i have had his book preordered! this man is old as hell and does not care anymore!!! if i had thousands of dollars to spare on his cameo, i would be able to ask him how he really feels about most topics! johnny depp found dead in a damn ditch!!! i cannot wait for this book!!!
chrissy teigen: google chrissy teigen + tweets
gabbie hanna: i think alanis wrote a song about when you make an entire unhinged series on your youtube channel to expose everyone who has ever wronged you but you are the only one who ends up getting exposed so bad you delete most of your social media? don’t ya think! and it is not the one gabbie covered….but i truly think the most despicable thing she ever did was everything she has ever done and said to jessi smiles because as someone who was barely aware of the whole situation, i knew it was on sight if i saw convicted
rapistfelony assaulter curtis lepore. but for gabbie to not keep even an ounce of that same energy despite the victim being her roommate/bestie?!?! it’s giving chair…but make it electric!!!
khloe kardashian: has anyone been able to do a wellness check on kris jenner’s 87 year old mother mj since she posted that unfiltered photo of khloe?
worst influencer song
“fuck boy” -dixie d’amelio. uh..yeah…this is unlistenable. with peace and love! PEACE AND LOVE!
the island boys’ theme song. maybe if i understood the words, it would have hit different for me but alas i am no island gal. i will leave that to my sister adele and to the cynthia from rugrats twins
“la 69” -jenny 69. gorgeous girl, beautiful girl.
“obsessed” -addison rae. this song did not give me what i had hoped it would but i do look forward to her benny blanco produced debut album
most brutal cancellation
armie hammer: call him by his name, hannibal “heir to the arm&hammer fortune” lecter. yeah, i knew Something was up when posted that
way too longvideo of his kid sucking armie’s toes… nasty and vile man
chris pratt: more like chrisp ratt. not even his coworkers could petition the court of public opinion to win back favour for him. very dark energy!!!
da baby: miley cyrus put her neck out for this loser and i think we should all never forget That. miley, what really IS good???
justin timberlake: jc chasez and i certainly feel justified in finally seeing this baby back bitch be called out for his treatment of britney spears and janet jackson AND get busted for once again being unfaithful to his wife! and the latter may have been discovered by a private investigator hired by janet… THAT is a world i want to live in!!!
matt damon/sia/will smith: when will famous people stop bombarding us with facts we never needed or cared to know
da baby: (instagram; deleted)
james charles: (youtube; deleted3)
justin timberlake: (combined; notes app on instagram)
travis scott: (black and white instagram stories; expired)
biggest reverse card
britney spears's instagram posts calling out her family and management after decades of being silenced: follow britney on instagram to not miss the updates straight from the princess of pop. because when we said FREE BRITNEY, we meant it and she is certainly free to post whatever she wants on social media now. i love my queen
ethan klein pulling up a photo of jeff wittek on frenemies that contradicted everyone’s stories of the night david dobrik filmed an SA for his vlog: when insider posted the article about how a woman claimed dobrik’s friend raped her while david was filming his vlog about group sex, a lot happened. the (alleged) rapist blamed david. david tried to find the smallest platform to apologise. the remaining members of the infamous vlog squad scrambled around to skirt scrutiny and lose futher sponsors. but one member, jeff wittek, refused to let his silence be a declaration of guilt. although he was named in the article (which he called fake news and made a video “exposing” the reporter before ever reading the article4), jeff insisted his involvement was minimal and he was barely there. he even agreed to do a live episode of frenemies and be interviewed. handsome and charming, he endeared himself to the hosts and viewers until ethan did his best wendy osefo impression and pulled up a photo the girls who were interviewed in the article gave him that was TIME STAMPED and showed all of them far later in the night then they had previously claimed. i was watching live while folding laundry and i sat down!!! i was Shook! a Moment most pleasing to me!!!!!!
trisha paytas v shane dawson, ryland adams, jeffree star, and hair by jay: you ever had a friend that kinda did things annoyed you but you never really address it because it would be more trouble than the argument is worth…until they do something you cannot overlook and it becomes world war resentment?? basically, trisha got invited to a trip to vegas by jafar star and it was a trip from hell. they were awful to her and made fun of her, her body, her bank account, her clothes, etc. the hair stylist went on to threaten her and be extremely nasty online. and instead of defending her or even calling out the bad behaviour of his makeup business partner and the company he keeps, trisha’s bestie shane “empath extraordinaire” dawson kept mum. trisha swallowed that betrayal until shane’s whisper of a fiance had the world’s ugliest alien on his “podcast” and raved over jack skellington’s tether. trisha snapped and used frenemies to air every last one of these grown men losers out. trisha paytas has a history of, well, being trisha paytas but for once she was undeniably in the right which sent shane’s comeback back a few months and jeffree to wyoming so at least something good came out of it.
the white house adapting vanessa hudgens’s policy as its official covid stance going into 2022: if you're vaccinated, "we've done the right thing, and we will get through this," white house covid coordinator jeff zients said. “for the unvaccinated, you're looking at a winter of severe illness and death for yourselves, your families and the hospitals you may soon overwhelm.”
buzzfeed reporter (scaachi) v trisha: doing a profile on trisha paytas did not go well… when the reporter (scaachi) tried to do last minute fact checks before the article published, trisha framed it in a video trisha posted as harrassment. also i have watched a LOT of trisha videos/content over the past decade but the rant against scaachi in the now deleted “enemies podcast 3” was so unsettling and very scary!
demi lovato v the big chill: demi lovato saw a bunch of sugar free/skinny options at a frozen yogurt place and started world war freeze online. i actually think demi had a point about the aggressive integration of diet/ed culture into society! no but like in the sense that…
frenemies breakup turned feud: although trisha is now chanting on lives and studying every religion, trisha still finds time to rage bait with mask off antisemitism, mostly! but before manifesting private planes, trisha spent months making videos trying to ruin ethan’s life and going on every podcast that exists to talk smack about him! and ethan trusted trisha so is he taking the joke too far? yes but i also would probably say worse if i was him!! very toxic dynamic all around so we will sadly never see these two clowns out on the town together again💔💔💔💔
hasan piker buying a house: very large man make money and buy shelter?? but he communist china?? how he not sleep in tree?? why he no build treehouse and share with four roommates? why happy? leave my literate himbo alone!!!!!
jeremy strong (fans) v the new yorker: it has been a long time since my timeline really fell apart in shambles (perhaps the colour of the dress snooze fest debacle)! it was fun little send off for the third season of succession/the year! ready to read the jeremy strong biography written by jessica chastain i am so serious
biggest fake friendship
adam mckay & will ferrell: this is none of my business but adam has yet to release kendall roy’s full performance of “honesty” on streaming so we team will ferrell here, even the paparazzi on team will on god
bad art friend: i have had multiple people try to explain this to me but my brain continually “congratulations or sorry that happened”. i know it involves bullying and kidneys ! and that is about it
dababy and megan thee stallion: it was already on sight for dabastard but his commitment to toy story lanez truly proved what type of person/friend to megan he was long before he opened his mouth
david dobrik & the grim reaper: the fact that he has managed to not kill anyone is actually surprising
morphe & morality: they would NEVER be associated with someone “bad” unless that person is making them a ton of money. also they let everything sit on clearance for so long before fully cutting that last tie
account ban of the year
boosie: instagram (big ups to mark zuckenberger)
donald j. trump: every social media account he could possibly log in to, including his team trump, desk of djt, etc
hasan piker: twitch for a week after saying “cracker” since that is apparently now hate speech???!?!? hasan celebrated his return by calling out the hypocrisy, naming some of the other terms used in reference to caucasians that are not banned. vanilla gorilla makes me cry every time
jay johnston aka jimmy pesto jr.: eliminated from bob’s burger universe after it was discovered he visited the capitol on january 6. such a jimmy pesto thing to do🚩🚩🚩🚩
marjorie greene taylor: twitter, multiple accounts and times. glad she is getting paid to represent georgia
hilaria baldwin, trying to remember how to pronounce the word “cucumber”