peaks and valleys may 2024: Give him my regards did you take Ozempic?
no. but seriously. IS somebody gonna match my freak...
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israel has continued to deny a ceasefire, despite the un top court demanding they halt their military offensive. i think it is easy to forget how truly horrifying what the palestinians are currently experiencing nonstop and have been for the past TEN MONTHS (and the past 107 years). on average, ten children a day have had to have one or both legs amputated. that is over 1000 children amputees. and yet, the united states has continued to pledge 3.8 Billion dollars EVERY YEAR to continue funding this calculated and unconscionable massacre of INNOCENT lives. for pride month, queerthemap put together a collection of queer love letters from palestinians. they are real people who had hopes and dreams and lives before this genocide began. they are more than just a news story or a political debate topic. if you are currently unable to spare any money to aid palestinians right now, you can visit this website and click daily as well as finding reaources to get involved here. if you are able to offer monetary aid, you can donate directly to medical aid for palestinians, feminine hygiene kits, or check out this google doc that offers a variety of verified organisations and ways to get involved and/or donate.
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peaks
i nearly died trying to watch challengers. but like, actually. and i am so sorry nicole, but i ended up trapped in a movie theatre with no power for two hours before it even started playing1. so magic had to actually happen in a place like my apartment. i really loved this movie. i love zendaya!!! she is truly a star. however, so much that i saw about this movie made me think i would be watching a much different movie. tashi’s heartbreak and having to watch everyone be worse than her at the thing she can never be the best at again??? barely broke the noise above churrogate. i also don’t understand anyone walking away from that movie with anything but disgust in their heart for art donaldson?? what did he ever do besides be a snake and be pathetic??? glad no peaches were harmed in this luca film, at least. i have loved tennis since i was a kid watching and playing it with my grandpa so if the barbie movie can inspire a franchise of flop nostalgia films
likepoptarts, i hope a bevvy of tennis content starts getting greenlit. perhaps even starting with a twelve part docuseries about the way rafael nadal and roger federer have always looked at each other.hbomax seems to make a documentary about anything these days so if jared from subway gets a doc, at the very least why not the real life tashi duncan aka mirka federer.challengers 2: tick tock…yuval v oliver for ayamé. j.lo could have saved herself several millions dollars (and her fragile leo pride) if she wanted to make a movie about the greatest love story by simply covering the most modern love triangle to ever exist. ayamé is basically the princess diana of tiktok. similar accent and her account is mostly her reacting to tiktoks by stitching them (i personally adored the paint can saga). oliver is someone who is from new zealand and tall and handsome and apparently taylor swift’s favourite tiktok creator. oliver and ayamé met briefly while filming promo for audible. oliver described it as the ultimate meet cute. but unfortunately yuval, the cyrano de bergerac of tiktok, had already begun to turn ayamé’s head…by making videos where he triangulates her location from one photo but in like a romantic way??? (women…are we ok?? be honest.) it solidified into a cat and mouse game when she started posting videos like THIS! after six months, fifty videos, and nearly 200 million views later, yuval sent oliver warning/condolence flowers and promised ayame he would book a flight to see her, if they raised 200k for a gofundme for a family to evacuate gaza; together, they have separately raised nearly 1 million dollars for palestinian aid. and despite the audible ad finally dropping at the funniest possible time on ayamé and oliver’s profiles, it appears yuval is the art donaldson in this situation. it has been fun and entertaining to watch this “love triangle” unfold and to see them all use their platforms in such a positive way. whoever ayamé chooses will be extremely lucky as she is a truly beautiful woman and you can tell she is one of those people who carries the light. (june 2024 update: this now fully feels like real life twilight after ayamé and yuval posted a podcast together and she said she is in love with him; he thanked her. personally, i have never been attracted to my stalkers2 but love is love i suppose… meanwhile, oliver continues to be my favourite as he spirals on tiktok.)
to the surprise of no one, jfk’s only grandson is a bit of a quirky guy. this month, jack schlossberg broke away from mostly surfing videos to recite lord byron while on a razor skateboard3, belt frank sinatra, whatever this is, and other various activities that remind you that his cousins are little edie and big edie bouvier beale. his wild antics would be even more appealing/alarming to me if he was not an apsiring actor/comedian. still. i love jack but i am glad he is no longer living a short car ride away from me!
i have spent much of my life knowing what cool people like and wanting to be perceived as a Cool Person but it really is true that the older you get, the less you care! and i am someone who cried watching the wicked (part 1) trailer! as someone who brought the cheetah girls cd to her vocal coaching as a kid, i have always appreciated Talent and Star Power! everyone in this cast always brings both to their previous projects and this one seems to be no exception. the director and some cast members have reassured the fans that splitting the movie into two parts will make sense once you see it but like? my gay ass would have been happily seated for six parts! i know it has been three years but i am still praying/hoping that the release of this movie will finally bring my favourite instagram account back to life
happy 48th birthday, collin farrell. they could never make me not have a full body reaction to every single thing you do and say.
hailey and justin bieber are expecting a baby. i weirdly root for them extremely hard. hailey’s instagram story post about halloween candy is something that still haunts me weekly, sometimes daily. especially after learning it was a repost of someone else and not a thought from her beautiful mind. that actually has nothing to do with their pregnancy announcement i just need to talk about it every chance i get. but seriously, i do think justin bieber has had a super tumultuous life and i hope he finds some peace in fatherhood! i also wish he would some peace away from the grimy claws of hillsong church but alas
ethel cain did not even have to rally the amish and nicki minaj did all of That for nothing outside of her humiliation kink because hiss was so obviously about b-rad’s son4 aubrey graham. kendrick really HATES that man and has for a very long time. i broke it ALL down for paid subscribers in the vegetarian’s guide to the drake v
everyonekendrick beef. it is entirely too long and too detailed and WAY TOO MANY LINKS like every other post in this publication but i really outdid myself with this one. so much so that i think my youtube algorithm is permanently ruined because it still weeks later is giving me absolute bangers like this and this and this especially THIS and even this
valleys
taylor swift once told an interviewer that “there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” funnily enough, she was actually quoting katie couric quoting madeleine albright. taylor has been a public female figure for over a decade now. naturally, that has come with a lot of scrutiny. a lot of it is not warranted. some of it is. taylor is certainly not the only musician who abuses the ability to chart, but she is one of the most shameless. even meghan mccain told her to chill, so you know it’s bad. taylor released three new special editions of her latest album on the same day billie released her third studio album5. i don’t know why taylor is so obsessed with staying at the top of the charts. billie compared being/staying relevant in the music industry to being in the hunger games6, but the eras tour made over one billion dollars…last year. so why does she need to release 34 versions of the same album. i support women’s wrongs as passionately as i do our rights but it’s just WEIRD. you got the number one album! why not Help Other artists especially Women also achieve #1. or at least not do everything to block them from doing so?? taylor mentioned her feelings about younger female artists in her song nothing new but some people are speculating it’s personal for taylor with billie because of damen alburn of all people and an interview (ironically with billboard) that billie did with her mom in march of this year. billie opposed releasing multiple exclusive physical versions of records for sustainability reasons, especially when it was just for charting purposes. immediately after saying that, she and her mom both acknowledge that the problem actually lies with the industry itself and billboard’s goofy charting loopholes as opposed to blaming the artist for playing the game. i get that taylor is gearing up to her reputation re-release by seemingly doing everything she can to be overexposed and able to fall out of public favour but for someone who wants to be perceived as someone who supports women, it would be nice to see her do more to show it other than occasional lip service and clapping at award shows. just saying7.
the only thing worse than the bravo sponsored tom sandoval redemption tour is the kevin spacey one. it was a little surprising that sharon stone joined public nuisances (liam neeson and f. murray abraham and stephen fry) in writing letters of support regarding the man who had to pay one million dollars to the production company behind house of cards after their internal investigation into claims against his onset behaviour. despite the recent documentary about him outlining a very clear DECADES LONG pattern of misconduct (to say the least), liam neeson says kevin is a good man/man of character. i personally would not describe someone who HAD to be assigned female staff on sets because it was so openly known how aggressive he would be to men that way but maybe that’s just me. i think that is my biggest annoyance with the noise of “cancel culture” overshadowing what it actually usually is: accountability. kevin spacey himself complained about how he is now serving a life sentence of cancellation after being shunned from hollywood, despite never being convicted of any crimes. he was “convicted” of being a public safety risk on sets!!! why should he ever be welcomed back onto one? because he can play pretend better than other people??? honestly, i am starting to understand more each and every day why my grandma sends the family group texts about the hollywood cabal.
gypsy rose was at sur (lisa vanderpump’s restaurant, sexy unique restaurant). that sentence is already bonechiling enough on its own but it was actually a meeting of the minds set up by her publicist(?s?) with “influencers” to make Content. honestly, god bless.
carrie bradshaw is back in the center of culture conversation. not because the samanthaless reboot is back, but because of satc rewatch culture. the latest wave of rewatch has people rallying behind carrie the way people love to bring up The Real Villain of the devil wears prada every few months. andy’s boyfriend is not the villain and carrie is not a victim! she is not hated because people are projecting. she is a slut shaming bad friend. she just seems to be everywhere but where she needs to be. if you relate to her because she is the main character with incredible clothes, ok. but if it is deeper than That for you, seek treatment sister!!!!
guess love isn’t real… bennifer ripbozo
WHICH COULD MEAN NOTHING under claims of sex trafficking, the march raids of the properties of sean combs led to a horrifying video being released this month by cnn. there is a reason he settled out of court a day after cassie filed her lawsuit against him. diddy issued a justin timberlake style apology two days after the footage aired after months of multiple statements disregarding her claims against him. i continue to wish him the worst and for all of his victims to find peace
favourites
album: despite listening to every last piece of new music dropping, this month i could not shake ethel cain’s preacher’s daughter. happy two year anniversary to a perfect album. sun bleached flies, you will always stay going triple platinum in my house
article: jonathan groff, i actually was very familiar with your game as someone who as worshipped at the altar of you and john gallagher jr since 2006
book: i did not have time to read any books this month but i FEEL like i read scammer by caroline calloway after watching this 2.5 hour video essay on the wicked witch of the west village
buff correll cover:
cover:
drake diss track8: not like us - kendrick lamar. WAP WAP WAP. mustard ON the beat
movie: turtles all the way down. i have crippling, sometimes paralysing ocd. when i originally read this book, i cried. watching this movie, i CRIED. i have been really struggling with mine the past few months and feeling absolutely useless about it. it is nice to know there are no unique experiences. ok so maybe my ocd has not interfered in my relationship with someone who gave me 50,000 dollars in cash. or has it. watch this space…
song: wildflower - billie eilish. there is nothing more beautiful than the power of female friendship
tiktok:
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tv show: the valley. i fear i am back on my bravo bullshit and am once again bi-coastal (summer house guide coming in july) exploring the dumbest most gorgeous shallow depths of valley village and the hamptons. knowing my pisces sister rihanna is also seated for this nonsense is the only thing stopping me from asking my friends to stage an intervention for me. i think the valley is enough of its own separate entity that you can enjoy it without the context of vanderpump rules but knowing the years of significance of jax and kristen’s relationship makes their storylines even funnier. bravo has been falling off (more on that in late july/august) and not having a reunion for this show is insane but i guess they just wanted more material for season 2?? many reality shows have marriages fall apart post-filming but to have two of the marriages implode on a show about the quaint serenity of married life in the suburbs featuring five couples is the reason i will not know true peace until i am seated and watching the second season, especially after the full cast has agreed to return this month as the show’s renewal was announced. praying that brooke ashley will tap in for season two…
youtube video: many have imitated but nobody will ever replicate amelia dimoldenberg! she is so funny and light and her content is the closest to jenna marbles levels of pure innocent fun/bliss that we will likely ever see! tems is also everything to me! if you are unfamiliar with either, i could not recommend their respective catalogs more but even this video is sweet and cute
that’s all for now. may came and went relatively fast. chet hanks has declared it white boy summer, as if things were not bad enough already. nasty by tinashe will be the song of the summer, regardless!!! in the meantime, will i ever be over my mother barbra streisand’s comment on melissa mccarthy’s instagram, no doubt squinting as she scrolled on instagram? no. but life goes on…
xx
honestly, i needed that two hours in the dark to process watching the trailer for
her now ex-boyfriend had sent her yuval’s original video because he was worried about her having a stalker… like imagine seeing some guy triangulate your girlfriend’s location via room service plates on your fyp only then to break up and see her saying she’s in love with him…
so i am cheating and breaking my own honour system by using videos from beyond the peaks and valleys month being covered but i barely survived a breakup and i don’t care about jack’s accent work so please please please forgive me
dot, the man that you are… is still a forty year old straight man but the malibu’s most wanted references??? if it was up to me, it’s giving pullitzer the sequel
i have been so busy with work and spent most of my free time falling prey to bravo programming once more that i have not had a chance to listen to much music but billie’s album floored me a bit! the tiktok clips i heard (and subsequently got stuck in my head) made me listen to it sooner than i probably would have and it is so excellent
“i was watching the hunger games and it made me think about it, because it’s like, we’re all going to do it because [it’s] the only way to play the game. it’s just accentuating this already kind of messed up way of this industry working.”
i own ONE version of all her albums and three cardigans so i say it with peace and love
i probably could make this a category every month not just this one because as kung fu kenny pointed out, even drake’s friends are praying on his downf
sunbleached flies is the best. love this remix https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eL2kFRG9xmM
mario x euphoria remix is perfect.