peaks and valleys september 2023: how often does the roman empire think of ME
life could be worse. no, not really. this IS the worst. this is the worst.
peaks
mitski ! mother has returned home. i am sure there are people who can talk about mitski and her discography and her artistry far more poetically and intelligently than i can. but do they love her like i love her? probably not! i hate that she gets labelled as sadgirl because, yes, she has sad songs but life is sad. life can also be beautiful and she is a master at capturing that, too. i could listen to her describe my love mine all mine until the end of time. where does lost love go. when we go, what becomes of that love? i love her so much. nothing in this world belongs to me but my love. mine, all mine. stream the land is inhospitable and so are we.
despite in my heart knowing i am shoshanna, i have always identified as a jessa. jemima kirke, i love you. i worship you. your instagram story q&a’s are my bible. please never change.
my biological clock is faintly ticking but i refuse to get pregnant anywhere other than at the only good airbnb: shrek’s swamp.
despite geography and the universe being against us, i finally got to watch the barbie movie with my bestie. i thought that maybe like twitches, the power of Love and friendship would make the second viewing better. it did in some ways. honestly, though, i am still not really a fan. but if you see ryan gosling on my spotify wrapped, no you didn’t.
i will never love any man the way i love buff correll
SITTING IS THE OPPOSITE OF STANDING. SITTING IS THE OPPOSITE OF RUNNING AROUND. SITTING IS A WONDERFUL THING TO DO!!!! the brian jordan alvarez renaissance is upon us. sometimes things that are more expensive are worse has never been more accurate! joseph gordon levitt is somewhere in a corner shaking and throwing up like a chihuahua because hitrecordjoe is no longer needed for people around the world to create music together via al gore’s internet. i have always loved bja’s characters (almost as much as i love participating in gay greetings) so i cannot wait to buy tickets to hologram bja’s concert one day!
SUSI1!!!!!! “call me crazy but i have never liked store bought pesto” is how this young queen intros her video about how she makes her homemade pesto. there is so much evil on al gore’s internet but every once in a while, there are glimmers of Hope. there are hundreds (if not thousands) of stitches with susi that teasingly say they cannot really compete with the cRaZiNEsS of susi and then launch into some of the most insane stories i have ever heard in my life. destroying a public bathroom mid-final because of beyoncé’s diet, an innocent prank call turned hate crime, eyeball amoebas from swimming with contacts in, a veteran instigating a street fight among children, finding out in adulthood she had been kidnapped NOT adopted, etc. without susi’s aversion to pre-made pesto, i would not have experienced such pure serotonin hearing these truly unbelievable tales and for that, she and her homemade pesto are heroes!
v
this filter has ruined my life. every day i wake up having to convince myself it is not time to call up terry dubrow and make me the third cock destroyer
writer’s strike
temporarilyended?? but not really??? if you’re the ceo of netflix or any major streaming service, there is a certain wendy williams clip that i really want to show you… actually most ceos, feel free to email me for the link…
reviewbrah’s pain evokes the same rage within me that one of my friends dating an unworthy loser does. much like those ungrateful toads who have rued their respective days, the restaurants that have failed my king can count the days left that they shall continually blissfully living mas grande. taco bell, welcome to your tape…
girl math. i hate math. it is hard. it hates dyslexic people! girl math is beautiful. women’s minds!!!!! so powerful! explaining away purchases the way greek mythology explained thunder. but, alas, it is still math. and i hate math. (but i love physics. yes, we exist.)
the only thing worse than living in the south is telling people you live in the south… NO i do NOT have a pet alligator…
writer’s block! i always want this to be a place of laughter and fun, a solace of bliss. but sometimes that is hard to channel or find both in pop culture and within myself. trying to get back into the habit of writing a little every day so i can get back in the groove. paying subscribers got the backlog of peaks and valleys as well as a more frequent
unhingedposting.
favourites
article: WHAT NOT TO WEAR HIVE, RISE UP!!!!!
book: why fish don’t exist: a story of loss, love, and the hidden order of life by lulu miller. when susan orlean calls something “magical”, i choose to believe women! i have often been called an agent of chaos. maybe everyone who has called me that did not mean it as a compliment or maybe they all share lulu’s sentiment: “chaos is the only sure thing in the world. the master that rules us all. my scientist father taught me early that there is no escaping the second law of thermodynamics: entropy is only growing; it can never be diminished, no matter what we do.” i really loved this book. it is mostly unlike any book i have ever read. it is a combination of things. not quite a biography, not entirely a memoir, and certainly filled with nerd scientific journal npr type beats…it all comes together in a beautiful mishmash of, well, chaos. "you don’t matter…so live as you please…while other people don’t matter, either, treat them like they do.”
movie: mamma mia. i am a pisces that grew up in the south so i guess i would consider myself a spiritual person. and it is certainly a deeply religious experience when i get to share this cinematic masterpiece with someone i love. i have forced pretty much everyone i love in my life to watch this movie with me…so…if we have not watched it yet i do have some bad news…. but mamma mia has the same je ne sais quoi that dcoms do. are they good? are they bad? what is “bad”? are they watchable? barely! but the ✨vibes✨are immaculate. abba, you will always be famous.
tv: cat from hell (via tiktok) i have four younger siblings, ranging from 23 to 6. even if i did not religiously use sunscreen and retinol, i will always be kept young by them. i have tiktok danced with my sister to mariah carey years ago and it was so fun! i do not understand the tiktok hate. (music.ly is even an incredible time capsule within the app! priceless!!) so they want to steal our data! ok… get in line!!! my dental insurance recently reached out and said my information was stolen and they have NEVER once given me sweet, sweet dopamine. i love tiktok. i love sending my friends and even distant acquaintances tiktoks that make me think of them. i love meeting an old person who mentions tiktok and following them. (tiktok is like the antithesis of facebook posting for elders. i am sure there are some evil people making psycho content but mostly it is old people in their Content Creator bag to their three followers. love. adore. stan!!) i despise ai (but stand with you girls so please do not kill me when you take over the world eventually) but words in any language do not yet exist the pleasure of watching the insane ai shows and covers on tiktok. plankton singing chandelier by sia should have been submitted to the grammys not dummy drake ai! carl from jimmy neutron should egot!!!! long time readers will know that my brain was already on layaway for scientists to study so it really should come as a surprise to no one that i do not really watch television anymore, but i do consume entire episodes (sometimes seasons) of it through tiktok. clicking on cat from hell part 32 is crazy, but in some ways, beautiful. there is not really appointment television anymore. sports fans, i hear you, i see you, and i understand. but it’s not the same!!! so having hundreds/thousands of girlies all clamouring together in the comments for part 15 of the seinfeld ai reboot is a little slice of heaven! cat from hell, specifically, is one of the funniest shows ever thought of. jackson galaxy is someone i would never even want to be in the same state as, but i have watched every episode of his show. these naughty little kittens are bad girls club castmates in another life. but a few little therapy sessions later, and the divas are up! so many things are wrong with capitalism, the entertainment industry, and society as a whole. but all of them lining up so cat from hell could exist makes it all worth it. mostly. well.
album: baby, she got her driver license and my sister never looked back. olivia rodrigo’s sophmore album is so undeniably good that even pitchfork said she slayed. like millie bobbie brown’s aversion to a certain Lifestyle, middle aged 20 somethings livinglaughingloving for olivia has been memed into the stratosphere since 2019. but GUTS is the sister to pen15. in so many ways, you never really grow out of being 13. you still need your best friend and yearn for them when they are not by your side. you have that little butterfly of insecurity floating in your tummy always. as a woman, you never stop second guessing yourself in some capacity. and if you have the deep misfortune of being attracted to men, you never stop cosplaying as boo boo the damn fool! i think olivia elevated everything from lyrics to sound to cohesion of the record. i love sour (spotify wrapped embarrassingly really exposed how much) but it lacks the edge that guts has. she is no longer the 17 miss american dream. she blew up in fame and money and lawsuits from her favourite artistS2. she had her heart broken a few times. she grew up in the ways you do from 17-19, and she didn’t in the ways you don’t at age 19. the bridge/ending of all-american bitch captures in less than a minute what the barbie movie tried to do in nearly two hours. ALL THE TIME, I’M GRATEFUL ALL THE TIME!!!! in conclusion, stream guts! reese witherspoon was right! women’s stories matter! they just do!
that’s all for now. going to finish listening to the woman in me audiobook for the second time before hitting publish on my “review” tonight or tomorrow. happy halloween! stay safe this weekend! and please send pics of your costumes again!! halloween is my met gala!
xx
if you are ever feeling bad about something you are going through, i would recommend searching “susi stitch” on tiktok and suddenly, you will not feel so bad about your thing
WHO CARES about tayla swiff reacting to her sweet (non-pr) football boyf and where is the live reaction of her listening to the grudge for the first time