peaks and valleys october 2023: "my world collapsed" and other false promises
blogmas day 4
peaks
we have all had a friend that is insecure in a relationship, especially when their partner is not exactly radiating loyalty and trustworthiness. i have had countless “heart to hearts” in my life with girls who thought i was interested in their partner so i have pretty much said it all! or at least i thought i had until this queen came out and said the words “nobody wants her ex. he looks like he snuck onto earth. i don’t want that.” WHO CAN RELATE
life is worth living again as the morning show has begun airing new episodes once more. this season, reese witherspoon stormed the capitol and is getting a peabody for it! and just in case you forgot, the third graders in the writer’s room have sprinkled in little reminders that <redacted> fell off a damn cliff and died!!! and just when i thought the show had reached its peak, jon and his hamm guest stars as a billionaire & the most beautiful woman on earth (after miss piggy) nicole beharie has once again flown down from heaven to guest star as reese’s anchor replacement (as aforementioned she was busy storming the capitol and being medium Gay with julianna margulies.) we are SOOOO back, it’s actually insane !
maya in pen15 scatting. the show stopped airing two years ago but my best friend only convinced me to watch it very recently. i had never seen much talk about the show outside of generic (but much deserved) praise. but within weeks of finishing it, i saw so many extremely viral memes being made from the show. i have oft found myself a victim of the baader-meinhof phenomenon and despite the algorithm playing a heavy handed role in my spoon feeding, i think maya erskine’s musical talent is a cosmic one that will transcend time and space (and will have people on tiktok recreating it every few months)
a lot of you whores were all about Feral Girl Summer and then immediately entered a monogamous relationship. happy for you…i guess…but going gobblin(g) mode alone is truly despicable. luckily, i found an ally in jeremy allen white. he is truly in his slut era. icon. legend. star. men win one emmy and stop knowing how to act right! and thank god for that!
for years, the petty debate of actress or star has cast its shadow on many a gay group chat. but neither moniker truly suit professional triple threat matt rogers who has added popstar to his already impeccably talent-packed resume. matt has released a comedy christmas album. while nothing in any media could ever hold a candle to matt sitting on a piano in a party city wig as marth may who belting about being the town slut in hottest whoville up in the land, matt’s membership card in the lambily may be revoked as this is the first christmas album since mariah’s (and hilary duff’s) that i am genuinely over the moon about. stream have you heard of christmas
and justin bieber’slil drummer boyto start getting in proper holiday spirits because tis the damn season!britney jean spears!!!! janet jackson’s daughter will always be famous!
maybe god is real and has cursed the met gala to be capital B boring after being upstaged by rihanna because ever since 2018, it has been snooze o’clock, with most notable red carpet moments being interviews instead of outfits. but this year, i finally was able to feel the rush of gay superbowl energy with everyone’s halloween costumes! the gay agenda is finally seeing the fruit of its labour as so many people this year went as the most niche costumes. reno911, a swan wearing a bjork dress, pen15, whole squad of fast food mascots, MR. BEAN1, and nadja from what we do in the shadows were some of my favourites. i truly have never seen so many impeccable costumes. in the year of the barbie movie, very few barbie costumes could be seen. perhaps the market predictions of oversaturation of hi barbies! led to everyone being the albert einstein of halloween costumes. i thought a resurgence of boats-n-hoes costume duos would be the Peak but it was merely the precursor to true creative masterpieces. nothing will ever beat heidi klum as The Worm, but i applaud the outstanding efforts this year.
valleys
as if palestinians did not have enough to worry about, celebrities have taken to their notes apps and instagram stories to weigh in. hospitals being bombed and children being slaughtered but has anyone stopped and asked selena gomez where she stands and if the news has overwhelmed her? and by weigh in i mean the equivalent of that one rainbows and butterflies speech in mean girls. it truly feels like the twilight zone watching these pr nothing burger sentiments! the real victims are not the dying children and families but the very rich famous people who have to hear about it in the safety of their million dollar homes on their massive giant tv.
it actually reminds me of “ally fatigue” in 2020. or having to explain why saying/believing black lives matter or free palestine is not an inherently antagonist thing. i understand in theory why people react to the words “free palestine” or “from the river to the sea, palestine will be free” as if it were a war cry. because it is. but it is also merely a cry to be considered. it is filled with anger but an anger born from thousands of innocent lives that have been taken. denial of access to drinking water, to electricity, of global humanitarian aid, and so many other human right violations have been committed against palestinians. the united states of america has sent the apartheid state of israel with a B. does antisemitism exist? yes. it is a pressing issue and one that should be taken seriously. obviously! but it is used as another weapon against the already long suffering palestinians. they are being hunted for extinction and the global government bodies put in place to protect people are doing nothing. there are many complicated parts of the conflict but this is not one of them. civilians dying is not complicated or politically charged. it has to stop. when a brunette man commits a mass shooting, we do not spend millions of dollars to start bombing the homes and hospitals filled with men who look like him to prevent it from happening again. i know it is not that simple but, in a way, it also is. not having a ceasefire is a civil rights violation. it is inhumane. it is evil. it is unthinkable. write and call your representatives. if you are able, donate to ANERA, Palestinian Children's Relief Fund, Palestine Red Crescent Society or Medical Aid for Palestinians. my heart is with israeli and palestinian friends and families who lost loved ones. the loss of human life is devastating. which i guess it is why i am so confused by the solution to such brutality is even more vicious and unrelenting brutality on innocent people. but. what do i know. taylor swift has not posted an infographic on instagram so i will wait until she does to inform any real opinions about it all. i just think supporting people having a safe existence and fair chance at the pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness feels like it should not be some act of political war. or a direct attack on amy fucking schumer. and yet…
speaking of blonde women off their rocker, tayla swiff… i saw the eras tour concert movie2. even cross faded, my mind could not comprehend why my girl is like That. i truly hope she never changes. she also released her version of 1989 (9/11 for jack antonoff truthers) with a preface about how when she was making the original album, she had sworn off men so the tabloids and rabid fans would leave her alone with the Speculating. she thought that spending time with her girlies would free her from The Allegations. many gaylors fell to their knees reading that. i think it is a perfect example of the juxtaposition of taylor swift versus tayla swiff. tayla swiff brags about the easter eggs she leaves for fans in lyrics, music videos, posts sometimes YEARS in advance; taylor swift scolds people for looking too much into lyric clues about the relationships in her life. tayla swiff says there is a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women; taylor swift does not attend ariana grande’s manchester charity concert or ever speak on britney spears’ conservatorshipS. tayla swiff writes wonderland about diana agron; taylor swift writes slut! about harry styles. etc. etc. etc. i won’t pretend to know the pressure of being one of the biggest stars in the world nor a woman in the entertainment industry, but the aw shucks of it all was boring even in 2009!!!! girl, how many vacation homes do you own? the nfl is literally obsessed with you!!! i know you are chips on your head in the gas station/susi’s homemade pesto crazyyy but you are NOT like other girls. you will never be relatable which is slay!!!! lean into That!!!! they are writing serious articles about the girl version of the economy because your tour made so much money!!! my body is ready for reputation tv. need taylor to put down the plate of freshly baked cookies and have tayla start her don’t hurt yourself era!!! (and finally cut jack antonoff’s umbilical cord… PLEASE)
beyond that, i still am not yet ready to speak on the the de-maxmartinfication of 1989. i will always give blondie credit where credit is due. her pen and musical inclinations will always speak for themselves. but max martin and shellback were the beating heart of this album, which was mostly made evident by the Choices made on the version of one of the Great Modern Pop Albums without two of the Great Modern Pop Producers. jack antonoff must be stopped. despite it all, this has always been one of my least favourite of her albums and the production of this version of it solidified it as my least favourite. taylor is charging 80 dollars for cardigans on her website for every new album and millions of dollars to olivia rodrigo for royalties. there was always more than enough room in the budget for my two swedish fish! CLEAN, sweetie, i am so sorry for what they did to you. you deserved better. we all did.
the year of the breakup. i think covid/quarantine made some relationships stronger and others were left with too much time to look at all the cracks. stay safe out there! and stay strong… hot girl summer will be here before you know it… hold the line…
chris watts lifetime movie. i love a lifetime movie. i love molly’s mother may i sleep with podcast that recaps a lifetime movie every week. so when i found myself stuck in a hotel one night and did something i have not done in ages: channel surf. and, as the number one true crime hater, i should have known to change the channel when this film popped up but i did not. luckily i tuned in right when he was describing in excruciating detail as they recreated him killing his pregnant wife and two daughters. who is this movie for. why. i will never understand true crime!!!!! why why why. beyond bonechilling. HATE!
spotify wrapped. why is the impending statistics of my listening habits throughout the year thrown over some truly hideous graphics invoke more fear in me than the words “we need to talk.” if you see the glee cast on my spotify wrapped no you didnt <3
favourites
article:
book: the woman in me. despite not including the realistic joke of “my world collapsed”, this book was one of my favourites i have read in a long time. it is truly breathtaking the amount of kindness britney used, even when talking about subjects that she clearly still holds anger about. a lot of salacious headlines from tiny bits in the book but it was not a salacious read. she simply told her story in her words and it was still just as fascinating. would love if she released a second book solely about the production of every album!!!!
movie: totally killer. there is something that never gets old about watching absolute dogshit movies with your best friend. there is a special place in hell for adult male writers who write teenage girls That way. not since hubie halloween has a movie really made me say “well that technically was a movie!” there is so much that is unclear about this movie top to bottom (#pinkpoof) but i hope i spend the rest of my life looking up spoilers and begging you to let me tell you, chummy.
tv: house of villains on e! this show was made for me, specifically. paid subscribers will be getting a full breakdown once the season wraps up in two weeks!
album: renee rapp’s snow angel. jordan listening to gay pop! likely place to be seen! should we call bella hadid??? it has stayed on heavy rotation since it dropped in august. i think there a lot of very good and even technically perfect singers. but there are some people who truly have The Gift and renee is certainly one of them. my favourite changes often but it is currently the titular track. “addiction’s strange. i loved back then what i hate today.”
youtube video: have been really enjoying this series chronically online girl explains!
we are almost to 2024 which means it is the annual dusting off and clearing out of the drafts aka blogmas. as always, most of them will be a little treat for paid subscribers!
that’s all for now
xx
amelia dim and jade thirwall are two of my all time crushes and the fact they both have dressed up as mr. bean this year??? now that’s herstory
WE DID IT, JOE!!!!! she finally acknowledged evermore!!! multiple times !!!! to quote modern philosopher maya, “miracles happen once in a while when you believe.”