to quote my guiding light tiffany pollard, “BYE, PUMPKIN!!!!!” hot girl summer is fully beginning to lose her grip on the weather as we slink into the most wonderful time of the year, sad girl wall (winter/fall).
i put my adele 21 cd in my car and fluffed this month’s playlist with songs to emotionally prepare to enter a world with a 10 minute version of all too well.
halloween is truly my favourite day of the year! i think you can learn so much about a person from their choice or lack of costume. it is a holiday with sp00ky history and now centered mainly around candy?!?! very good vibes! very fun! no awkward family conversations over food you legally have to pretend to love! i have an app that tracks the number of days until the birthdays of my besties and family….and halloween.
PEAKS
BINGE WORTHY TELEVISION IS BACK!!! fall/winter have always been my jois de vivre! the weather is incredible! i love the cold. layering is my religion!!! sweater weather is the only thing i stay alive for. and for film/media, it is That Girl! oscar nom candy drops along with the fall premieres of your favourite small screen melodrama! THE BABYSITTERS CLUB, GBBO, AMERICAN CRIME STORY, ARTHUR, RHOM, and SVU ARE BACK BUT I HAVE NOT TAPPED IN YET…. however…..
SUCCESSION1 began its third season with a bang! the first episode begins moments after season two ends. NO SPOILERS but it does not seem like our dark prince kendall “the (white grape) juice” roy will be the one receiving the ultimate kiss from daddy. unless….
VANDERPUMP RULES is back and better than ever!!!! the fired members of the cast are not missed! the chin never added much to me, jax is giving more Content on his social media than he has given the shows in years, and kristen, i actually do miss. will never get over how stunning in person she is. she seems happy, though! and i still get frequent james mae emails <3 but james kennedy has always been the true Actress AND Star of the show; it is why jax hated him so much, why lisa continues to coddle him, and why he was the only non close friend that survived my annual instagram purge! this is truly the greatest show on television! sandy v katie is everything 2 me! also unlike nate from devil wears prada who is often the scapegoat for andy, schwartz deserves ALL THE SMOKE but i also truly hope he never changes!
QUEENS is everything to me!!!! long before blake shelton and adam levine were achieving peak bestie, the only Voice i registered was ms brandy norwood! i have missed the unhinged feeling that only musical tv shows can bring. eve and brandy should have been on smash
THE MORNING SHOW is somehow making covid more unbearable than grey’s anatomy and even covid, herself. it is truly unhinged that this show existed and that it continues to really go, well, not There but certainly Somewhere! it is Camp! it is pure garbage! it is steve carell Acting for his life but there is no walking back matt lauer’s lock door dressing room button, darling dear! and that is kind of the point! as billy crudup hive i am eating gratefully and knowing that tim allen’s bestie steve jobs would have hated this show makes it even more enjoyable. also..gay rights? truly this show is bonkers
speaking of bonkers…..RHOBH is airing its 22 part reunion special but erika is probably worth every commercial break to every person watching it live (you are truly god’s strongest warriors)
HOME ECONOMICS is very enjoyable for me. shows about families and siblings will always get me to click! and yes this is borerline if succession was sheldon-ified but having fun is ok! sasheer zamata should star in every show and i am happy for my boyfriend jimmy tatro (let the record show that if i was his gf i would simply not have exposed him and his roommates to covid) to be able to get a check for being the charming himbo i have adored for nearly a decade. he had me at awkward goodbye!
YOU. men are allowed to laugh while women have to chuckle!!!
MYTHIC QUEST is excellent!!! while waiting for my favourite group vieing for some of their dad’s m&m’s, i binged both seasons of this apple tv gem! (apple tv really has been That Girl for me lately) rob mchelhenny directed a covid episode that takes place entirely over zoom that was surprisingly so moving and is the first piece of media that perfectly captured The Moment in time that 2020 was.
INSECURE’s final season has begun rolling out. let us join hands and pray that issa told the showrunner to keep his mouth closed about britney spears and if he has twitter fingers they better be about The Show! i will never be over his original clout goblin tweet so he is on the thinnest cracking ice!!!! anyway!! feels so nice to have insecure and succession back but mayhaps would have been nice to not have them airing BACK 2 BACK so i have time to process! things are HAPPENING and i am not talking about amanda seales’s wardrobe choices :-)
CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM continues to employ jon hamm! handsome! hard 2 enjoy the show knowing my celebrity crush had the opportunity to marry again and did not choose me…. but life goes on…. also i expected a much more Powerful journey for reid scott but at least i got albert brooks hosting his own pre-funeral! this is something i have been saying needs to happen! say nice things to my face and when i am dead, toss my body in a dumpster because what will i care :-)
GREY’S ANATOMY is the olympic holder of jumping the shark (despite what rivderdalé would have you believe) so it is no surprise they handled covid the way they did, continue to force amelia air time the way they shoved lexi and april kepner down my damn throat, cutting scott speedman a check, trying to get political in poignant ways but often Missing The Mark (literally. i miss mark sloane), and even bringing kate walsh back to remind us of The Good Times (seasons 1-10) but i will never get over the way they killed off my italian king and then had meredith han solo his ass! YOU MADE ME HATE THIS CITY, SHONDA RHIMES. bridgerton better be giving yas queen skinny legend versace boots the house down slay hunty queen mama to make up for the station19ification of our baby that you allowed in abandoning me! i am cristina with no eyebrows, and you are burke with your netflix deal and disappearing act. this is a show i will never be able to quit but viewing feels court ordered moreso than enjoyable….even ellen is letting her boston freak flag fly in hopes of freeing us all from this prison. alex landi and stefania spampinato barely get ANY screentime anymore so what IS the point……
seeing this headline
and thinking it said willard carroll smith junior had thought about getting a BBL.
jason sudeikis and ego’s snl skit where jason is a teacher having a parent/teacher conference with married parents ego + kyle mooney. i love all three of these people very much and this sketch is very perfect! it captured the best parts of kyle’s ability to quietly rage, jason’s ability to be someone i would like to [redacted] my [redacted], and gorgeous ego’s silly little goofy way of being the most interesting person in the room aka a Star2. not since harry styles saying “i sent shawn mendes a picture of my open throat” has snl really catered to Me and My Belief System.
target making the perfect cat costumes. my cats are not happy, but i am! they each have about four new costumes a piece! sorry marx but sometimes a little capitalism as a treat is ok3!
started rewatching veep. tony hale is truly my favourite actor/star! i do not know a better emoter! (please nobody show this to jeremy strong!!!) we are living in hell and trying to find the Little Moments (no brad paisley) that make life worth living. JLD whispering truly obscene things under hear breath hits harder for me than welbutrin could ever dream of.
it’s kinda giving the perfect tiktok. he is never beating the allegations….
all my christmas shopping is done. thank you in advance for clapping.
VALLEYS
nicki minaj + jesy nelson. the worst linkup of all time!!!! i have spent half my life loving both of them and to have both of them insult me so deeply with their antics but also the song???? jesy + nicki could have made an incredible song especially with that sample! and yet…. nicki has been on her grind of trying to upset me so this was not shocking but jesy continually slagging off OUR girls???? she was always my least favourite member but i was going to be a good sport and stream but babes??? you are not zayn. you will never be zayn!! but good luck booking that stage i am sure nicki has promised you once her husband’s court case is handled! you were clearly having as bad of a time in little mix as you are at doing jamaican accents. since singing about the love island contestant you dated that was apparently the baddest boy in his posh cul-de-sac is the type of music you were so desperate to make that you had to leave little mix, i will not be tuning in! i would personally recommend for you to get a new stylist, producer, and a grip! with peace and love <3
the movie dune. grateful for oscar isaac Content but could never in good faith indulge anything that is trying to further the coloured contact agenda. especially since my sources are telling me The Scene of oscar isaac that has gone viral is not of him having a good time?!?! but i heard it is actually very good so i may attempt it once both parts are released!
dave chapelle ?? said A LOT but the only actual funny thing he said lately that made ME laugh was saying he is the victim and not trans employees of netflix, as he is the one who cannot “safely go in the office anymore”. although i did enjoy picturing dave having an office cubicle at netflix, cracking his knuckles typing his “jokes” on a very tiny typewriter. basically if mr. morton re-entered his flop era is how i see the man whose televsion box set i own that i am more likely to put on for the hundredth time than any of the unfunny poo poo pee pee he has been getting paid to jOkE about
this article about nicholas braun (star of minutemen, and some rando hbo show) which basically details how my tall king is Run Through and glorifies in detail his braundaids and their unabashed stalking of him. very bone chilling for me! happy for his journey as Stick Man Extraordinaire but does not seem like a healthy way to live and maintain normality! also he looked like ted cruz on his snl appearance in what up with that and i say oooooh eeee what up with THAT. i am still the number 1 streamer of antibodies, though. only time will tell if it or L TO THE OG is my number one streamed song of the year. again
people that take their mask off as soon as they step outside a business?? i have personally emotionally moved past the ability to be capable of a mask v anti-mask conversation so this has nothing to do with That. as a virgo moon i genuinely cannot comprehend people that think covid taps out as soon as the sun hit your bald spot? much like any zombie media, i will never understand this?? nut up and go fully maskless or take it off in the car??? why go halfsies?? why be crunchy peanut butter living in the gray middle when you could complete the job and be beautiful, perfect creamy peanut butter?? this is truly just a pet peeve! both periodic public masking and people getting paid to clock out halfway through their job while making peanut butter………
my neighbour boosie badazz being violently homophobic against lil nas x! i wish “mark zuckenberger” would kick him off this god forsaken flat earth just like he stays kicking him off of instagram
i am already longing for my friend seymour as elf begins to play on loop and trees are being dragged down from the attic. but i am a lamb before i am human so i grudgingly go into the month before christmas for the emancipation of mimi’s royalty checks….
luckily all i want for xmas is already coming in november…..britney spears being FREE, little mix is dropping between us4, red (taylor’s version), adele’s 30, ABBA’S VOYAGE, kristen stewart’s as princess diana in spencer, the orange county gal who did NOT try to persuade her pitch perfect pals to jump on the trump train will star dickinson season 3, HOUSE OF GUCCI, hbomax cutting willard smith a check for king richard, summer walker releasing her latest passion project that *hopefully* has nothing to do with baby food or vaccines, animal crossing’s new cafe drop will have me taking my first flight since 2020, mother mariah’s new special, and probably “they” will finally confirm my theory that the queen of england has been dead for weeks!
god help us all!
xx
yes, every annoying person you know has centered their personality around this hbo golden goose but are they wrong???? succession’s showrunner jesse armstrong is the person behind peep show AND fresh meat, as well as arguably the best episode of black mirror. the man knows Television, darling dear!
ego + bowen yang’s fake relationship over social media is very near and dear to my heart and the energy of the long catalogued on/off again is very much present in “you seem mad at me, mister mad”. actress AND star!!!!!
jk!!!! capitalism (and dr. thayers and howie mandel and jay leno) are my enemies.
hopefully they rerecorded the old songs because i think it’s what She deserves