peaks and valleys: november 2021
probably one of the more unpleasant months of the year for me and i still could not connect deeply with adele's new album, only furthering My Pain
while i thought this newsletter would be coming to you off the highs of the only holiday i care about even as an apple music user spotify wrapped day, unfortunately it is actually coming to you through my tears as my beloved little mix has announced that after their tour next year, they will be taking a hiatus from little mix to pursue other projects. they emphasised that they were not breaking up but i think i’ve seen this film before, etc. i will talk about it more during the 12 DAYS OF BLOGMAS1 because why should youtubers have all the fun?
but that is this month so here are the things that i was thankful for last month and the things that made me struggle a little harder to practice gratefulness:
peaks
BRITNEY JEAN SPEARS IS A FREE WOMAN!!!!!! and today she is celebrating her first birthday in thirteen years without anyone limiting how much cake she can have!!! the damage done by the years of her life stolen by the conservatorshipS (and by her massive rise to fame before that) is going to take time to heal from and process. it probably will even take the rest of her life. but she is strong. she has always been the leader of the free britney movement from day 1. she will get through this. for a very long time, as fans, it felt necessary to speak for since her voice was being silenced. and we did it, joe! her july 2021 court appearance and her instagram posts prove that she is more than capable of speaking for herself now. if she needs us again, she can directly let us know now. what she needs now is the space to heal and do whatever the fuck she wants!!!! she has been performing the version of herself everyone demanded since she was a teenager. she turns 40 years old today and for the first time since the 1990s, she is able to do what she wants. so fuck off!!!! leave britney alone! amanda bynes, joni mitchell, brian wilson, randy meisner, and over one million other people are currently in conservatorships. the kyle rittenhouses and brock turners are the only ones benefitting from our “justice” system. covid is gearing up for her yasssification era! there are so many things wrong happening in the world so who cares what a 40 year old woman is doing on instagram! anyway, happy birthday britney jean! you deserve to have your cake and eat it, too. (and show it off on the gram!!!)
adele, i am going to let you finish but red (taylor’s version) was the best album release of november….to me! i do not know if i could go as far as to say i am doing fine at all, but my return to saturn does not begin until april 2022 so i thinking the adele album will very much hit different for me then! i enjoyed the adele album but somehow remained not completely shattered after listening to The Divorce Album like i thought i would be. still is in the rotation but does not have a grip on me quite yet the way taylor x phoebe bridgers currently does. i honestly have always loved red so i am totally biased. there is this song i have always loved by sarah buxton2 called “innocence” that details that first feeling of falling for someone. “it ain’t him i miss, it’s that young girl wide eyed first love one time innocence.” i think that perfectly captures what taylor captured with the re-recording. i am not currently in total devastation mode but a trip down memory lane does not hurt!
tv!!!! fall seasons are still not only knowing the assignment but turning in extra credit! the morning show and queens are so insane and perfect!! obsessed with them. succession is almost wrapping up its third season and you are not going to want to miss it so am currently in the middle of whipping up the (driving off a) cliff notes in case you have been living under a damn rock/have not yet had a chance to see why all the rich white folk arguing for a kiss from daddy is simply The Best. but that is next week! this week let’s discuss a few shows that have been added to my roster3 that are causing me to fall behind on my podcast listening. while i could (and very well may) start a podcast recapping the morning show just as proof to myself that it exists, there were a few new shows that caught my eye:
GOSSIP GIRL [hbo max] IS BACK, BABY! the girls are back from acting boot camp, zola’s dad is still leo dicaprio if leo never yelled, and the storylines are packing a grey’s anatomy style plot punch. they are all teens so there will be e•m•o•t•i•o•n• but i think shiv roy or meg from knives out are more accurate depictions of what happens when you put any real pressure on a mean nepotism baby. i always thought jc’s dad reminded me of doctor luke if there were no allegations but i guess the writers had other plans………..the whiplash of the second drop really got me good, gal. i am looking forward to season 2! i will say that. i will also say seeing dorota made me cry and i was not expecting That!!!
THE SHRINK NEXT DOOR [apple tv]: i listened to the podcast (and relistened when the show started) and will ferrell lacks the certain new york je ne sais quoi that the real marty has! but he brings a certain quiet nervousness that makes it incredibly believable how a grown man could slowly give up the reigns of every decision in his life. but the emmy is paul rudd’s to lose! even if you take the Paul Rudd of it out, he bodies the charisma, trauma, and unblinking ruthlessness it must have taken for the real life therapist to abuse his influence with not one but several clients. but my favourite character? it was kathryn hahn, all along!!!!!!!!
THE CURSE OF VON DUTCH [hulu]: i have always been aware of this brand as someone born in 1993. and i thought i knew The Darkness but it is somehow even more insane??? as soon as hulu told me i would love this (they rarely lie to me) and they did that wendy williams-esque opening line of “it was big time. the money was rolling in. the difficulty was, he was charged with first-degree murder” i knew i was going to have a very good time. only three episodes that are an hour long each packs in so much… the editor deserves an emmy. ed greene, you will always be famous to me!!! while i hate to endorse any stops on my longtime enemy paris hilton’s comeback tour…if you need background noise while you fold clothes, this beats nearly anything else.
LOVE LIFE SEASON 2 [hbo max]: wow. WOW! apart from the anna kendrick jump scares, this was everything! i forgot that it is called love life so the ending….c😭o😭n😭g😭r😭a😭t😭u😭l😭a😭t😭i😭o😭n😭s😭…. such an enjoyable and fun viewing experience even when having the show revolve around a typical “nice guy” was nauseating even if he is portayed by The nice guy, william jackson harper. i need jessica williams in every lead romcom role! she shined the whole season but her solo episode?!?! sadly james lipton is no longer with us to host inside the actor’s studio with jessica because a few of your faves need to be asking questions and Taking Notes!!!! i will always be open about my own personal biases but sorry ego nwodin is a star!!!! in a season full of Performances4, she still stands out!!! i think America’s Sweetheart is someone gorgeous, charming, and has that elusive “it” factor that makes you unable to look away. since most of jennifer lawrence’s was paid for my harvey weinstein, i think julia roberts can officially hand her crown to ego. i truly do not know anyone else currently working in front of the camera that i would actually want to see sing john lennon’s imagine at me!!!!! been singing and riffing “little ass boy” for days…
tiger king season 2: did not watch but carole baskin did not kill her husband nor whacked him even if you were convinced she fed him to the tigers who were snackin’, proving that you lot hate to see women succeed and try to tear them down! also i have never seen an episode of either season so i can only assume they are both rotted people based on the podcast/my hatred of anyone with *exotic* pets
selling sunset season 5, the sex lives of college girls, and real housewives ultimate girls trip….i am so sorry sweeties but i did not have time to enjoy you but you are in the queue!!!! i also live my life for spoilers so feel free to share your favourite moments i can look forward to indulging once the winter wave of television slows down. i also will rarely publicly vocalise my thoughts on any of the bravo franchises because technically, they are real people. technically.
unread podcast: this podcast is only four episodes long. (a perfect miniseries length, imho!) in december of 2019, alex sends out personalised emails to his closest loved ones. it begins, “listen. i am writing you to let you know that when you receive this scheduled email, i will no longer be alive.” chris also finds “banana alice” audio files attached to his email. alice sounds eerily like britney spears in the same way all the women in the womaniser video look exactly like her. could it really be britney? chris made this podcast documenting his search for alice as he navigates his own grief over the loss of his dear friend. i cried listening and i am crying even writing this. i understand alex and alice so deeply and hearing alex’s loved ones recall their fondest memories made my heart ache. this is a podcast about many things but in a way that feels organic and honest and true. it is an investigation. it is a memoriam. it is a reminder that our time here is brief and how we spend it affects more than ourselves. it made me laugh! it made me cry! it made me GASP at the interview in the final episode. and then cry some more ;-) i could not recommend it enough.
being gemma chan hive means never going a day without being fed. leftovers are still just as satisfying, as this 2018 interview answer has begun making the rounds once again
stephen sondheim passing. his absence from this hellscape does not fall into the valleys category because i love when the sondhive comes out of the woodwork!!! not even andrew lloyd webber coming out as heterosexual (nothing against that lifestyle, i just think it is not something i want around my children) is as world shattering to me as the catalog of sjs!!!! seeing everyone share what sondheim songs they are listening is somehow an even more personal spotify wrapped for me! his legacy remains forever and i could not be more grateful to everything he gave us. i know company is That Girl for very good reason but i personally would not be the person i am today without bernadette and mandy finishing the damn hat!
while i still think they could have come up with something better than The Chicks, i am glad they made this frivolous gesture of changing their band name because it led to apple music confusing them for a macedonia based pop-rock band. it finally got fixed but i am still laughing
valleys
the idea that james corden could be in wicked. no. please sign the petition to make sure this never happens and forward it to jon chu! until he hears the people sing, singing the song of angry men. it is the music of the people who will never be hurt by james corden’s hip thrusts again……i will remind and invoke the hive every day that carpool karaoke beat lemonade for the emmy until he is unable to show his face in public! do not ruin something so beautiful to me!!! erivo + grande is e v e r y t h i n g
speaking of things that should never be…..it stopped giving cher :/
the vine star and amazon employee have decided to no longer love being called señorita. if you thought this totally real couple was annoying, i fear what the former vine star’s next public relationship will bring. someone does now have a lot of marvel movies to promote………and since i doubt the jojo siwa (style, not charisma or talent) of fifth harmony will ever do anything worthy of note to i again, i would like to take this opportunity to say that her first album is actually so incredible and if somebody less racist and/or nasally had made it, it would be regarded as highly as carly rae jepsen’s store. possibly more. jk nothing will ever top the prequel to (my citizen kane) ricki and the flash5.
lin manuel miranda solidifying his place in hell by not allowing encanto to be streaming….. what am i supposed to do on thanksgiving now??? talk to my family??? i think i am going to be SICK. thank god gossip girl gave me THREE HOURS OF CONTENT on thanksgiving…. you are safe for now, lin. we may share a love of walter mercardo but i cannot keep letting you get away with this !
movies!!!! i simply did not have the time or patience to sit down for extended periods of time! even the shows that released multiple episodes at once took me days to complete! everything i did watch was quite good so i could not bring myself to possibly taint that based on my friends’ mixed reviews of everything else that is out. will probably see them in january if they are still out or in feb when they start streaming!!! paws down :-(
the astroworld tragedy. i actually know a few people that went and all of them have said they did not even realise what was going on. to me, that only furthers how out of control the whole thing had gotten. there were so many red flags that the people in charge should have heeded instead of ignoring. i want to dunk on lou taylor and her company tristar for being named in the lawsuits (she pivoted heavily to karjenners and travis after quitting britney spears in 2019) or travis scott’s instagram story “apology” that is on par with youtubers or even the fact that travis and drake went to dave and buster’s immediately after astroworld. but honestly, it is all so sad that i have tried to not even think about it. my thoughts are with the loved ones of everyone that suffered injuries, fatal or otherwise, and i hope they are able to find some sort of comfort and peace. i cannot imagine how devastating it is for them, especially right before the holidays. truly heartbreaking. travis scott is the face of the event and john hancock on the lawsuits but he is certainly not the only party responsible for what happened. i hope everyone who contributed to not stopping the chaos feels the full weight and power of legal retribution.
jeffree star is a rat. britney spears said she loved a few of his products and a lot of people allegedly got mad. mostly i just saw people saying things along the lines of “bestie he is a rapist nooooo” but as someone who has a reddit account, i would not be surprised if there was actual hate comments left. regardless, britney deleted the post. she had previously said she is so scared to mess up and i think any negative feedback causes her to be a member of tweet and delete gang! LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE etc. she was not even allowed to buy sketchers so if she wants to splurge on makeup or swaggy fondue or whatever, who cares! enter the snake from harry potter slithering out from the shadows. he is a scorpio so no matter how many times he says he is “above the drama” he is not. naturally, he took the situation as a way to victimise himself. especially after people reminded him of all the nasty things he has said about her in the past. this was a very small blip on the radar, but once again using this fleeting relevant moment to address one of the scummiest people on the internet. you are a racist. you have said and done horribly racist things in the past. and yes it was the past but you had a chance to address it in the present and instead you and your rat friend shane dawson deflected and made it about how you were actually a sad teen. i had several relationships i met in aol chatrooms when i was 12 that turned out to be criminals and i have never felt the need to blast off every slur in the book because of it…if i never saw your ugly alien ass again, it would be too soon. you are 1/13131313 beauty brands. britney shouting you out on instagram is the biggest push you are ever going to get. nobody with taste and money is ever going to pick you when pat mcgrath is right there. even marc jacobs’ nasty ass has products you could never even dream of making in your factory! you are 36 years old. to quote logan roy, “CASH OUT AND FUCK OFF.”
not quite at the Sadness level to listen to my Feel Good Christmas playlist…
so currently biding my time listening to this month’s playlist
while i wait to see if sza finally frees me from the shackles of soundcloud….…
xx
starting december 13, i will be BLOWING UP your inbox daily until xmas eve with a little surprise story (mostly pop culture related obviously but a few randos) that throughout the year, did not make it to full bloom or i never sat down with to write. i will be really Going In so the majority of it will be for paid subscribers only but i will throw a few paragraphs for everyone. as a nondenominational holiday treat.
i live in the Deep South so unfortunately i am not able to resist the hum of banjos and yee haws. or at least i could not hide from them growing up! i am a blake shelton defender and that is something i have to live with every day!!!!! it is not my fault! blame michelle branch’s country side project the wreckers for really luring me back into the land of cmt the same year taylor swift debuted.
in case you did not belieb me when i said i carry the entire entertainment industry on my back, this is the list of shows i have been ACTIVELY watching on a week-to-week (so not the movies or shows i binged ie your king richards or love life season 2) basis this month: succession, curb your enthusiasm, insecure, queens, home economics, rhoslc, rhop, grey’s anatomy, ariana grande presents: the voice, gossip girl, the problem with jon stewart, the morning show, and the shrink next door. (saving all peacock programming for the cold months of january and febuary when there will be no new Content). i also relistened to the shrink next door podcast and finished the unread podcast. my weekly podcast intake is more than 10 and i am in two book clubs which is why my top spotify song was the one i played twice. and that is not even tap tap tapping in to my youtube viewing habits! or that i have been dusting off my cd collection and rotating through them in my car! nothing can stop me from never having a quiet moment alone with my thoughts again!!!!!!
big ups to punkie johnson, christopher powell, and arian moayed for holding down the season as well as my ability to stomach wjh’s impeccable yet infuriating “mr. nice guy” routine for the majority of the season
while carly rae irish goodbyed a relationship by going to the store and ricki was just going on tour on tour, both women have received backlash for showing characteristics reserved for their male counterparts. in this essay, i will