(this month was full of a lot of Big Emotions and so this post will cut off in your email but you can click here to finish reading it or download the substack app for iphone/android)
peaks
australia is about as far away as it gets from me but i got to be within arms reach of my best friend for half of women’s history month. she was actually bouncing around the not so greater united states to compete in tournaments for a children’s video game that she happens to very excellent at so unfortunately i do have to thank the greedy weirdos at nintendo for my chummy sized birthday present. alok vaid-menon recently talked on a podcast about how they do not practice a relationship model that sees romantic love as “more” than friendship love. i feel very similarly except i see friendship love as gold bars and romantic love like bitcoin; i get that it is allegedly very valuable and lots of people have gotten quite rich with it but overall seems a bit sketchy and like it is more trouble than it is worth (no offence)!!! because, personally, other than gillian anderson i can’t really think of anyone on planet earth or beyond that i would like to smooch AND do laundry/taxes with. regardless, i am really glad she slumped it in the deep south with me because i don’t know if i would have survived1 some pretty brutal times without her! she is back in her prison colony now and i miss her terribly. c’est la vie…
i am the opposite of a gatekeeper. i want to yap about the things i love with anyone and everyone!!! so to see queen chappell roan’s npr tiny desk shoot her further into the stratosphere of adoration she deserves (even straight men are stanning). i am so glad the girls are getting into one of the most lyrically messiest and insane performers. legend!!!! casual is the anthem of a generation
speaking of The Gays, we give and we give and we give but it has been so long since the wlw community has been truly blessed. manna from heaven fell into our laps this month via pop singer fletcher going on her ex (og youtube icon) shannon beveridge’s podcast…TWICE. not since The Incident of 2017 have i been so entangled in The Mess like this. it feels so incredible to be truly on the sidelines for this one, though! fletcher wrote several MESSY breakup songs about shannon pre and post breakup even though FLETCHER is the one who fully initiated the breakup to spread her wings! she also just released a song2 called eras of us AFTER BEING PHOTOGRAPHED HUGGING SHANNON AT A STOP ON TAYLOR SWIFT’S ERAS TOUR… SHE IS SO INSANE!!! it was all very hehe haha good christian fun until fletcher’s name appeared on a cult’s website (and suppressing anyone mentioning it online). not one of my ex-oomfs being the catalyst and cohort in the cult activity for the bitter singer… she has since officially denounced the (transphobic) modern mystery school cult and said she only took a few classes there during/after her lyme disease diagnosis… just another tuesday on lesbian tiktok…
nell mescal is an angel on earth. she claims she did not steal my journal and use it as inspiration for a few songs but i think the song teeth says otherwise. my current top artists are system of a down, boygenius, and kirk franklin (pisces season is hard) but i will always be seated when a beautiful woman puts out music regardless of genre. but the pop girls are my girls and (former florence + the machine opener) miss mescal is definitely one to watch. her and laufey can and will save me…
i spent many days this month thinking about someone’s grandma who converted and raised her entire family jewish because of her “parasocial relationship with barbra streisand”. legend. icon. the moment. COME ON NOW
CONAN O’BRIEN ON CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM! GORDON RAMSAY X GUY FIERI COLLAB!!! SETH MEYERS X KRISTEN STEWART GETTING DAY DRUNK ON CAMERA! I USED TO PRAY FOR NIGHTS LIKE THIS!!!!! there are so few men i like but to have my mount rushmore of white men i fw on fwy friday linking up? beautiful. speaking of no purpose flour complected linkups, ben affleck and jennifer garner also were papped chatting outside their son’s birthday party which of course made me think of Those pre-rehab jack-in-the-box drive thru photos. life can be so cruel and confusing and heartbreaking but if jennifer garner can survive That and come out on the other side, so shall we all!!
COWBOY CARTER HIVE RISE!!!! what kind of insane freak drops an italian aria in a country song? beyoncé, sincerely, THANK YOU
valleys
i feel bad for anyone who released music during march3 because even though it dropped at the end of the month, i could still only think about cowboy carter. HOWEVER. ariana grande’s new album is a little too excellent. i hate to support homewrecking during women’s history month but i cannot make the bops not bop!!! i wish i hated you ! max martin, the LEGEND that you are… kacey also released an incredible album but was also out yee’d by beyoncé. the fact that we live in a world where it was post malone instead kacey and bey maximising their joint slay??? beyond sickening. we can’t be friends and too good to be true changed lives but currently my favourites from each album are don’t want to break up again and cardinal. (have not yet reviewed let alone listened to norah jones, the veronicas, flo milli, tierra whack, tyla, jim white, kim gordon, fletcher, or shakira! have not even pressed play on hozier or faye webster!!!!!! but i will in april and probably do a ggbg roundup!)
i watched jared from subway: catching a monster. i don’t know why but i never knew the extent of his crimes. i wish i never did. this is the most insane editing style of anything i have ever seen (would love to see the crew for this and bohemian rhapsody edit a season of vanderpump rules) but not even the weirdo reenactment footage could make me feel anything but a deep sense of despair. how can he have admitted ON TAPE to truly horrendous crimes done to CHILDREN overseas and in the united states and still be eligible for release in 2029. FIFTEEN YEARS was a “dramatic” extended maximum sentence for him. i think they should add on another 15 years for his dumbass defences. the trauma and change of losing lots of weight rapidly is what made him a pedophile and also you can’t actually convict him because he is self declared sovereign citizen. in 2021 he wrote a letter to the new york post where he said he “royally screwed up” but was staying healthy. idiot. evil. to quote wendy williams DIE DIE DIE DIE! the series did not really go into his life post-sentencing much so had to learn that he not only is scheduled to be released in march of 2029 but he got to cherry pick the prison he went to and chose one in colorado, a state he has never been associated with. someone in the same prison killed one police officer and is serving 20 years. jared has 14 known child victims and god knows how many more, especially on his many trips overseas he loved talking about going with the specific intent of hurting and abusing children. i don’t even know or care about the other guy’s case but just insane to me that he is not serving a fourteen times life sentence. greatest legal system in the greatest country on earth! no offence to the filmmakers of this tv series but i do not recommend it because it ruined my day and my life being reminded people like him and his associates/friends mentioned in painfully graphic detail exist in the world among us. i did like how they included two random people he grew up going to school with at the beginning of the first episode just to confirm he was a fat loser growing up. for anyone else, it would seem extremely funny but unnecessarily harsh. but for such a true revolting and vile human being, in hindsight, it did not seem harsh enough
watched season six of love is blind and it was so boring. and i say that as someone who has listened to every episode of rachel goes rogue and devoured both episodes of the valley… when jax taylor’s middle aged z-list spinoff has more excitement and entertainment in two episodes than your show does in thirteen LONG episodes… DO BETTER, NETFLIX
quiet on set covers some of the lawsuits and allegations against nickelodeon’s dan schneider from both adults he worked with/over and children who worked for him. drake bell bravely shared his own story of abuse for the first time. i’m glad he did and the filmmakers were able to unseal letters written to the court by celebrities on behalf of drake’s abuser INCLUDING JAMES PAUL MARSDEN. but ultimately, watching this left me feeling a different gross than intended. amanda bynes was not personally in this docuseries but was heavily featured. drake’s confession led to his fans and impassioned viewers ¿harassing drake’s own victim? and online speculation witch hunting about which other child actors were victims??? it’s just all horrifying. former child actors who did not run to their social media accounts following the release of the series will ultimately receive more punishment than dan schneider ever will. i don’t have any solutions for how to cover the topics better or how to protect child performers and prevent them from being harassed/abused or how to put dan schneider in prison where he belongs (the series did lightly insinuated but never outright addressed the worst and most horrifying of the allegations against who many have called the harvey weinstein of nickelodeon). i just feel sad and bad and hopeless about it all.
kate middleton has cancer. i was so excited and had a charlie day style red string conspiracy post about Where Is Kate that definitely involved trisha paytas that i am not even sure i can release in the december dump this year after such sad news. i would say my thoughts and prayers are with the royal family but i am sure someone else already has for me. fuck cancer! it feels insane even the royal colonising wealth hoarding family is not immune to its evils. how is it 2024 and we are not in a post-cancer world. no flying cars or cancer cures that don’t destroy and ruin your body almost as badly or worse than the actual cancer and no season 2 of i love that for you. some world we live in
twitter (X, if you are a pervert) has gotten unbearable in some ways ever since the mostly human shaped clothing maker of the emperor bought it. ashton kutcher said to download it and follow him too many years ago and i am sad to report that i did exactly that. my timeline is a years in the making perfect combination of cats, silly little jokes, beautiful women, and “sick” melee combos. i know the site is more than ever flooded by weirdos and bots but it has been years since i have seen any of them. i was sick in bed one weekend and got a notification that someone was trying to change the password of an old backup account i had. i logged into for the first time since i made it a decade ago and it had zero posts/zero followers. i only followed my crush and some cat accounts… and yet my timeline was FLOODED with insane elon tweets and right wing freakos!!!! no matter what part of the political spectrum you fall into, the people and posts that were being shown to me were just conspiracy theory borderline schizophrenic posting! and that is what the owner of the website is spoon feeding the users! what an incredible app. so cool! spent two days blocking them all and muting words before i finally started having Peace (my crush complaining about her nerd interests/cartoons + cute little kittens). the experience was so jarring it definitely was a major factor in deciding to do a little social media purge for a few months. it is good for the soul and i think also will be very funny to see which pop culture stories make their way to me without twitter’s on the ground round the clock “journalism”. honestly who needs any app when one my favourite god warrior/historian hunter harris keeping tabs on the only person who should be paid to post Content aka club chalamet. hope one day i get to go to olive garden with her…and maybe even tiny tim himself as his love for italian cuisine is well documented :-)
favourites
album: i think there is only one good pisces man on planet earth (some offence because why are you all like justin drew bieber and bad bunny) and he randomly reminded me how excellent thank u next is. there were more pressing and on repeat albums this month but i did listen to this one quite a bit in between. the mixing on that album? so good even a straight australian gamer has to say Damn. big ups to tommy brown and the country of sweden
article: What’s the Price of a Childhood Turned Into Content?
book: who switched off my brain: controlling toxic thoughts and emotions by dr. caroline leaf. been a ROUGH month. been a rough few months, actually. always nice to be reminded that while being safe/happy/loved is out of my control, choosing to remain positive is not. allegedly ! shoutout to my mommy for putting me on to dr. leaf and her podcast years ago
movie: bottoms. montage of beautiful girls brutally fighting each other…while a king princess song plays is The Magic nicole kidman is always mumbling to herself in amc about. beautiful. stunning. perfect movie. yes it came out ages ago but no i never got it in my tiny southern town. we did get about six different faith based movies where a dog and/or soldier are involved, though…
song: remember you - adventure time. “this is the heartbreak of losing someone who isn’t dead”
tiktok:
tv show: fellow travelers. holy shit. as someone who has been told that i must have “been a hag in every life”, this was such a devastating watch. it’s so heartbreaking to think of the lives and loves and artists we lost to so much ignorance and hatred in a not so distant past. mindblowing to see the lavender scare actualised in media; gut wrenching to see how little has changed since the freaking 1950’s. infuriating. life is so cruel and uncaring naturally, i will never understand why some people make it their life’s mission to add to that. at least twice a week, i genuinely think of the lady who responded harshly to someone criticising someone being “cringe” and gay online in a video. she said she misses the friends she lost to aids who had to live and die in secret and seeing people be so comfortable and happy means the world to her. “i don’t know how love could be a sin.” jonathan bailey and matt bomer !!!! possibly invented chemistry! this show was visually stunning and incredible. could not recommend it more!
youtube video:
that’s all for this month. march is always my least favourite month and this one was perhaps the worst to date! mercury retrograde starts april 1 which i wish was an april fools joke. god only knows what’s in store. please no more of The Horrors… at least thinking about kristen stewart referring to sabrina carpenter as the “a singer that [barry keoghan]’s really proud of. like a really cute blonde singer” will get me through it all…
xx
my life has been cursed by a witch. the latest one is somehow managing to get stabbed in my cornea by a metal rod while doordashing!!! life’s so fun… life’s so fun…got my eye patch and my miniskirt on…
the album possibly being named after the cult and definitely referencing her journey with lyme disease… insane legend
get ready for next month by muting every annoying person you know because maggie rogers, taylor swift, AND st. vincent are all releasing new records. unless you want to hear about how like you just don’t Get It…