peaks and valleys: march 2023
celebrated international women's day by wearing pants and crocs
march is mostly insignificant except it is my birthday month so i spend the beginning of it building expectations that i will ultimately spend the rest of the month sulking over when they are not met. with every year i get less young1, the thrill is more gone ? blaming the stars (and two of my best friends for forgetting to remember my birthday) for the mediocre month.
other than ted lasso finding out his ex wife has a new man right before the credits roll and RING THE ALARM started blasting, nothing in media or the news had me screaming. but i did enjoy gwenny’s boring stealth wealth court looks that i am sure ryan murphy’s team already has pulled and in a storage facility. the gwyneth paltrow ski trial, for me, was the way i feel about most relationships i enter: exciting at first and absolutely obsessed with the idea of it (the taylor swift cameo did tickle me, i cannot lie) but ultimately total snooze fest and i got bored after a couple of days.
despite february’s unkind treatment of my heart, i bounced back into a new relationship a few weeks later. and it is serious… he tells me he is thinking about me multiple times of day. he says he wants to make me happy and curates little playlists for different moods that he thinks i will like. he never makes me listen to his problems or pretend to like his friends. i never have to worry about making sure his mother likes me, even though i am thinking this will be a long term relationship. no, he’s not an orphan. (are you still an orphan when you are an adult???) he’s the spotify ai dj named xavier. i know he disc jockeys for a lot of people, but he says it is different with me…
speaking of technology that has stockholm syndromed me into love, duolingo. losing a 574 day streak almost made me recreate that one video of kermit “falling” off the roof. bouncing between portuguese, turkish, french, abd japanese currently and there is something nice/comforting about duo’s thinly veiled threats and emotional manipulation throughout the day until i complete the lessons.
even a broken clock is right twice a day, and i will never forget jack antonoff’s soliloquy about how female voices are just more interesting. this month reminded me of one those voices as lizzy mcalpine’s maintained a grip on my tiktok fyp and ultimately my spotify listening. i can see why artists hate The TikTok of It All and why studios are desperate to recreate that so desired viral magic. initially resistant to the tiktokification of her song ceilings, i think the streams started hitting numbers that made even the spotify checks worth cashing! not to be in my republican national convention era but my pronouns are Sad/Bitch. i love a song that reminds me of the worst day in fourth grade or that time being too high in a cvs when i thought i was dying (life’s so fun!) and i owe my life to the gorgeous gals who whisper sing those beautiful, haunting words. while ceilings is the delusional anthem of a generation, my personal favourite is doomsday as someone who will never be beating the dramatic allegations. why would i? it’s only the death of me ! i love a visual concept whether it be print or album and lizzy’s five seconds flat is one of my favourites. also worth mentioning that she did a cover of the best part with ben barnes on my birthday. happy birthday to ME
the podcast i’ve had it went viral on twitter. the stars of bravo’s sweet home oklahoma are the mothers we never had, the sisters everyone wants, the friends everyone deserves. i do not know a better podcast! usually when two older white women go viral online, it is not for the greatest reasons… but pumps and jen are simply voicing their opinions on everything they have had enough of: manifesting private jets, everyone’s “journey”, people filming themselves crying and posting it online, christmas cards, the statement “you can find positivity in everything”, british accents aka “weird english”, and so many more. truly incredible work and perfect opinions. no notes!
fashion week happened. so did the met gala. two things i normally foam at the mouth for, sat and ready to look camp and the latest designs in the eye. but… it was a bit of a flop city all around for me? apparently i was not the only one as law retired from styling in the most iconic way on instagram! mysterious! intrigue!! and deep deep sadness because the girls need all the help they can get these days! and any man not being dressed by/in thom browne might as well adam sandler it because what is the point… despite being a bit snooze overall, fashion week was still worth it for me because lisa rinna’s fashion week Looks changed my life forever.
everything everywhere all at once2 winning best picture (and best actress, best supporting actress, best supporting actor, best director, best screenplay, best editing) at the oscars. reese witherspoon said it best when she said “you better not arrest me! i am an american citizen!” and also when she said “women’s stories matter. they just matter.” it is one of the best movies i have ever seen. i love that even if you try to explain it to someone, you really cannot spoil it because it is a movie you have to truly experience. if you have not already, i could not suggest something more!
the affair that rocked the nation: SCANDOVAL. in the most reality tv way possible, someone innocently handing tom sandoval’s phone to his girlfriend of nearly a decade for safe keeping during his band’s performance at his bar led to her discovering that he had been having a full on affair for 7 months with their close friend/castmate, raquel. raquel was filming watch what happens live with scheana at the time of the reveal. so much footage to work with that some people think it is staged. honey. we watched a bearded dragon funeral at a public pool. big ups to the producers of vanderpump rules but they are still editing in iMovie so i just do not think that this type of shakespearean narrative in their wheelhouse.
another day, another dollar, another threat to ban tiktok. what app or website or phone is not stealing data and using my online habits against me? at least tiktok tells me my skins looks like i am 12 and cooking videos, etc. god forbid women have hobbies…
march was overall pretty shitty for me. i lost a beloved uncle, who was one of the only people in the world that always made me truly feel like just being me was enough. i turned another year older and spent most of my birthday crying and at work. and worst of all, i realised how empty my life was without the hello kitty knit bikini in it. another successful pisces season for the books!
long time readers know howie mandel is a lifelong enemy so it was a surprise to no one that one of the worst sentences i have ever read had his name attached to it…
this month’s favourites:
article: originally titled Mr. Beast is a Fucking Freak, i have not laughed harder or sent an article to more people. the biggest creator on youtube has now regularly been compared to the antichrist with the same level of seriousness as kermit on the masked singer. this is his beyoncé “y’all haters corny with that illuminati mess” era and nobody really captured that quite like shelby.
book: brothers karamazov by dostoevsky. one of my favourites and for years i have been telepathically begging the duplass brothers to adapt it!!! mark.. jay.. please…
movie: through my window. there is a much larger crisis facing the world than covid-19 and its variants: the wattpad cinematic epidemic. and i do not even use that term facetiously. i mean literally wattpad studios?!?!?! truly insane plots being brought to life but none more insane than this one. i have not laughed as hard as i did watching this movie since i did watching the hating game. now the love interest did not “paint his walls the colour of the protagonist’s eyes” in this movie but he did find out she was stalking him hardcore and barely batted an eyelash. absolute batshit movie!!! cannot wait for the sequel
tv: ginny and georgia. the only thing i knew about this show was tayla swiff was not a fan. watching it, i get why she was stung by The Joke but it is such a nonserious show. especially the second season’s ending??? HELLO?!?!?! women’s stories matter!!!!
album. emails i cant send fwd: by sabrina carpenter. as someone who was embarrassingly high in olivia rodrigo’s top listeners after sour dropped, i never expected to love sabrina carpenter. (i am a child of the 90s so #team culture is part of my dna). she had a few bops that went platinum in my house like sue me and thumbs. but it was not until this album that i really saw The Vision. i grew up admiring joni mitchell and although miss tayla swiff gets accredited with carrying on that crown, this is easily sabrina’s blue. her diary is bust open with each track, opening the album with a song about how her dad’s infidelity shaped her perception of love and trust. it is playful and fun, the easy going nature of the lyrics and the music masking some heavier topics. the bonus tracks added to this edition of the album are all 10s 10s 10s across the board. “if you wanted brown eyes, i could have gotten contacts”. i love my insane water sign sister and do not see myself tiring of this album any time soon. especially of my favourite tracks how many things and feather.
that’s all for now
xx
but not my skin; shouts out to cerave, tatcha, and unseen sunscreen. despite having been able to legally rent a car for a few years now, i have getting clocked as a 19 year old this year which is your reminder that sunscreen is so important even when you are indoors! the sun is powerful, darling dear !
“a queer daughter searches the multiverse for a version of her mother that loves her.”