peaks and valleys june 2024: happy pride to fiona apple's lesbian roommate🏳️‍🌈

"you gonna suck whatever i pull out of these jorts" -kylie

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israel has continued to deny a ceasefire, despite the un top court demanding they halt their military offensive. i think it is easy to forget how truly horrifying what the palestinians are currently experiencing nonstop and have been for the past TEN MONTHS (and the past 107 years). on average, ten children a day have had to have one or both legs amputated. that is over 1000 children amputees. and yet, the united states has continued to pledge 3.8 Billion dollars EVERY YEAR to continue funding this calculated and unconscionable massacre of INNOCENT lives. for pride month, queerthemap put together a collection of queer love letters from palestinians. they are real people who had hopes and dreams and lives before this genocide began. they are more than just a news story or a political debate topic. if you are currently unable to spare any money to aid palestinians right now, you can visit this website and click daily as well as finding reaources to get involved here. if you are able to offer monetary aid, you can donate directly to medical aid for palestinians, feminine hygiene kits, or check out this google doc that offers a variety of verified organisations and ways to get involved and/or donate.

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peaks

1. to quote jojo siwa, karma’s a bitch and justin timberflake should have known better!! not since trump getting covid has the godforsaken app now known by the worst people you know as “x the everything app” been more fun than when The Tour, The World Tour went bye bye bye when britney spear’s slimiest ex was arrested for dwi. i usually try not to kick someone when they are down but i will always make an exception for the man who should have stayed in the woods, reminding everyone he said this in 2016.

   

   joey fatone, you will always be famous

2. speaking of being in my hater bag, my brother in christ and hating kendrick lamar has done it yet again. amazon music livestreamed his concert and i have always been an east coast gal, but hearing dr. dre introduce not like us? for one night, west coast was best coast… kendrick went on to perform not like us five more times. he really IS speaking for the culture because how does the energy of over 15,000 people only get more hype during the SIXTH play of a diss song about you? having gang members put aside longstanding beef just to laugh at you and call you a pedophile²? yeah, drake’s surely got another type of hotline blinging right now. amazon ate this one little thing.

   

   

   SIX times

   

3. i have not had notifications on my phone for the better half of a decade. i have never even slightly regretted this until i realised seth meyers³ and the lonely island podcast started in april after i randomly saw in my youtube inbox the alert for episode 10! once my love island usa bieber-level fever passes in a couple weeks, i look forward to diving in. cannot belieb that i have loved these four men for almost two decades…

4. they could never make me hate (or delete you) tiktok⁴

   

5. NORMANI DID IT!!!!!! after years of teasing, she finally released her debut album. it is a very good and some would even say gripping album! seeing normani live actually changed the trajectory of my life. i think she is truly one of the greatest dancers and performers and this album is FUN!!! for me, it is no skips but these are my current big 3:

6. Hacks Isn’t a Good Comedy. i usually start watching shows years before everyone else or years after everyone has stopped caring so to have started hacks a couple months ago was a rare delight to be Up To Speed with all of the Discourse surrounding hbo max⁵’s current darling. streaming may have changed a lot but hbo is truly still appointment television. i just didn’t get it. i still don’t. all the actors are certainly Acting but the plot is wacky and the motivations are murky. and i’m sorry but who would ever turn down christina hendricks??? at least riverdale and the morning show know the shows that they are. however, i am a pisces aka undyingly loyal who always has a long suffering of clinical pop culture conversation fomo so i will be seated for the rest of how this plays out but begrudgingly so…

   

7. the 2024 las culturistas culture awards! famously, awards are so silly! for nearly a decade, matt and bowen have been doing their podcast las culturistas. in a way, their respective successes have taken them galaxies away from where they were when they started i don’t think so honeying. tilda freaking swinton sent in an acceptance speech!!! in the year of our lord 2024, there are very few men (let alone water sign men) that i could confidently publicly support but these are my men and i’m gleefully sticking beside them. they have gone from discussing the most iconic things/moments of culture to being the most iconic thing. they call the fans of their podcast readers, publicists, finalists, and kayteighs. but on june 15, we were all shotgun riders.

valleys

1. hulk hogan deleted all his tweets after he was hacked. this is worse than the burning of the library of alexandria⁶.

2. kanye west’s old assistant is suing him. that sentiment does not really shock anyone but the lawsuit is brutal! kanye responded and said the accusations are baseless and he is being exhorted/blackmailed. but having telling his assistant he would pay her a million dollars a year to delete her popular onlyfans account because he wanted her to be “godlike” sounds exactly like something kanye would do. the other allegations in the suit are so vile. i thought kim’s dreams of being a lawyer dissolved with her ass shots but three years after passing the bar, she started posting again this month about law school which could not be better timing because her baby father certainly needs to lawyer up times ten

3. all three month relationships are traumatising in their own ways, but brooke schofield may have won the saddest lottery with hers. after clinton kane posted a tiktok promoting his new single saying “when you’ve been over the relationship for two years but she won’t stop yapping”, brooke took to tiktok to make a 13 part “who tf did i marry” about her relationship with the fauxstralian musician. after full court pressing her for a year, in 2022 he was able to win her over with love bombing. he also sprinkled in TALL tales about his mom, brother, and father all having passed in the same (previous) year so he was still very much grieving…people who were actually still very much alive. faking their deaths was not the top of his lie chart, as he also claimed to be australian⁷ and three years older than he was. it was not surprising to hear that their relationship ended, but it was surprising to hear that HE is the one who ended it after she accused him of cheating (he was). [july 2024 update: he turned his comments off and posted about 30 tiktoks saying brooke is a liar. it is so laughable. like those comments are off for a REASON. it’s how drake came back after not like us and said whoa! i never dated mbb or i would be in jail. clinton listed all the countries he has lived in WITH NO TIMELINE and showed off his multiple passports. ok, babe. cool! but why are you faking an obviously australian accent. and after wasting my life watching all the videos, still no mention of the rhyme nor reason he had when faking the deaths of his mom and brother and emotionally manipulating MULTIPLE WOMEN because of “his grieving”. he is WEIRD and his music (nor his face) is definitely not good enough for All Of This.]

4. rina sawayama spoke out against her label owner/taylor swift’s ex/muse, matty healy in june 2023 and again in july 2023. charli xcx is currently dating his longtime best friend/bandmate, so she took matty’s side…in saying despicable and racist things publicly as “jokes”. she unfollowed rina and threw very leo-esque shade her way, but insisted her beef with rina was about Something Else when she got called out for her actions. what really annoyed me most is how she then started frequently saying how you will get called a bad feminist for not supporting all female artists. the whole situation left a bad taste in my mouth so i was not really interested in brat. and then i listened to it a little after lorde hopped on the girl so confusing remix. and for once, ag has not been able to make me jump. i think it’s funny camilla cabello is the one who showed herself to be one of charli’s sons because she also makes really good music i would enjoy so much more if someone else was singing them! a lot of people seem to be having a brat summer so i look forward to getting hooked on their covers of charleston chew in a couple months !

   

   

   with peace and love, this is what you lot look like to me 💚

5. i would like to say that i mind my business but i have nearly four years worth of posts here that prove the opposite. i wish this was limited to pop culture and celebrity nonsense, but i have a round approachable face so i am often finding myself in business that was never mine! in college, i found myself being the secretary for the international business club despite being neither a business major nor an international student. my friend was both (and the president) and somehow convinced me to do this. i find myself often being (too easily) convinced into doing things that i will never understand how i said yes to. currently, this is happening in the form of tuning in (nearly) every monday night to a super smash brothers melee tournament my friends competed in. it is taking place 1700 miles away from me and the friend who originally convinced me to watch is now a cool 7500 miles away. i still have friends that compete but none are close enough friends that i should be tuned in before bed EVERY monday. over the past couple of years, i have made friends with an abhorrent number of Gamers despite never having been apart of that culture myself⁸. melee, specifically, has been an interesting community to discover, especially post-pandemic. there are locals (weekly/monthly tournaments) all across the united states and scattered globally, as well as massive tournaments⁹ where people from across the world will gather. there is something so beautiful about being able to find community wherever you are in the world, as long as you have a controller. there are certainly still many issues within the community but overall it has made itself a safe haven for all different types of people from all sorts of backgrounds. it’s like finding a mcdonalds no matter where in the world you are but with smelly gamers. especially lately, the world continues to be so bleak so it’s nice to have momentary reprieve…even if it is shamefully cyberbullying grown men i love in a twitch chat. so thank you kevon for facilitating my favourite hobby (the aforementioned cyberbullying) ❤️🩷🧡💛💚💙🩵💜

6. jack antonoff go to hell challenge. our beef is long standing¹⁰. i thought him immediately giving away my elton john/billy joel shirt i gave him would be the worst thing he ever did to me personally but his hand in pop music has often felt like a personal attack. we had brief reprieve because he did help kung fu kenny out in the battle against bbl drizzy. but the war is back on, perhaps stronger than ever, as he has made sabrina carpenter make a song i do not like. as a long standing member of polly pocket pop music hive, this is truly a feat. with every synth sound, i felt myself wondering if i will ever be able to hurt this sonic terrorist the way he has hurt me… (at least the music video Going Viral makes me giggle thinking about kristen stewart saying saltburn ghoul barry has “a really cute blonde singer [girlfriend] he is really proud of”)

   

   my brain praying to not see jack antonoff in the credits when one of the pop girls announces new music

favourites

album: there is no taylor swift re-release that could block billie eilish’s new album hit me hard and soft from shooting to the top of the charts in my heart. i have always enjoyed billie’s music ever since my best friend showed me her debut project. but this album is excellent, incest production aside. BUM BUM BUM

article: wait, weren’t you just obsessed with me

book: she memes well - quinta brunson

buff correlll cover:

cover: a lot of people are going crazy over sabrina carpenter’s cover of good luck babe¹¹ but it only reminded me that i’m still here:

movie: butterfly in the sky: the reading rainbow story

song: gilded lily - cults. HAVEN’T I GIVEN ENOUGH?? always the fool with the slowest heart…

tiktok

tv show: summer house. yes i am still in my bravo bag. andy cohen is the jack antonoff of reality television (derogatory, obviously). i have now finished the entire series and i have so many THOUGHTS coming soon to subscribers…

youtube video

that’s all for now. there’s a tiktok trend of saying something unhinged you posted to impress your crush while an acoustic avocado version of gnarls barkley’s crazy plays. i have done a lot of things i regret in my life but not being able to partake in this trend is not one of them!!!

xx

1. i love you, zelda hallman

2. SOMEONE SAYING THE LAPD WISHLIST WAS ONSTAGE WITH KENDRICK IS SOOOOOO !?!?!?!!! the scream i just scrum

3. when he first started late night, seth meyers told a story about the mirror being taken from his apartment’s bathroom and right next to exposing creator of the jinx and bringing back the jeremy renner app, it is my life mission to break into nbc and post the clip to their youtube so i can finally watch it again. it has been ten years of unsuccessfully doing so but i still have Hope…

4. my fyp is truly cinema. to go from rug cleaning to a galaxy brain edit to someone posting lizzy mcalpine covering their favourite hannah montana soundtrack song aka bless the broken road by rascal flatts to someone posting their own cover of the same song AND SAYING IT WAS THEIR GRANDPARENTS’ SONG. i had to lay down after that last one because i realised i guess i am actually turning 80 years old on my next birthday. GRANDPARENTS!

5. i will never simply say “max”. everyone involved in deciding That marketing strategy, rawt in hell

6. i love almost dying from a heat stroke but instead of sleeping it off, making myself nauseated drafting, “researching”, editing, and posting this nonsense that literally no one asked for

7. if anyone gets this inclination, it’s me. i have way too many aussie friends that i tend to dip into the accent sometimes and yearn for my favourite prison colony. this is so funny to me like do you think he had a similar experience to me where he got really good at the accent and told someone he was australian as a joke and they believed him but then he just kept the bit going… like i just don’t get it. how can you as a public figure lie about information that is very obvious and easy to debunk?!?! i blame robert pattinson.

8. this is what my best friend (professional gamer) said to me after playing mario kart and melee with me…

9. these mostly take place in the us but others are located in canada, the uk, and one is taking place in australia in july

10. stop using lorde or lana as proof of him being talented like it is not LORDE AND LANA!!!! what if sophie had produced melodrama or max martin or even selena gomez’s rat boyfriend!!! did he really add something only HE could add to their already stacked discographies or did he just make music with incredibly talented women that he seeks out like a rat looking in the corner for a cheese??? it bears noting jack also produced brave by sara bareilles and legally stole credit on two olivia rodrigo songs. i hate they way he walks and talks and dresses, btw. look even if The Powerpoint is not true, he just makes boring songs. there is nothing about his production style that ever makes me go whoa…i need more of THIS. especially his stuff in recent years just makes me feel nauseated! i genuinely dislike sabrina’s song sonically which truly makes me so mad because i LOVE her. i am glad the girls have someone they feel comfortable making music with that makes them feel heard and understood but it’s just getting repetitive and boring!!!!! even 616 in la is the most boring of all of k dot’s anti-drake drops like let’s be honest!!! i am definitely in my hater bag but he just gives me the musical ick! even charli cancelled the second half of her tour with him “to focus on her mental health” then went on solo tour without him a few weeks later. just saying…

11. also this is the only glb cover that matters imho…