this was one of the funniest months of my life. i have never been a super mushy person. i am deeply empathetic and soft hearted for the people i love most, but even some of my closest friends have mentioned that i can be a bit of a robot when it comes to fully letting my guard down and Feeling instead of think think thinking. however, i am always down to clown and will try anything once…including having an international situationship1. can you believe that trying to have a relationship with someone 17 hours in the future flopped harder than lorde’s album solar power2? well. belieb it.
i was born into competition. pageants and ballet recitals before i was fully conscious and i started playing sports in second/third grade. i cannot remember a time where i was not the worst type of competitive person. especially because i usually win. i am so good at winning. board games bring out the worst version of myself. (taking this time to once again formally apologise to megan and nick for still being my friend after our harrowed games of monopoly and mario kart.) and aside from taking the opportunity to plug that i have never lost a game of mario kart, once i stopped playing sports competitively (and even recreationally…retired after winning the incrediball league two years in a row…guess i die champion…), i did not know what to do with That Energy.
i think one of my most toxic traits has always been treating relationships like a competition. how can i love them the best? how can i make sure they adore me the most? how do i ensure that i get hurt the least aka how do i minmax dating? spoiler alert: you cannot. even your soulmate can dump you… on valentine’s day, no less! but i think that’s what makes it…”fun” does not seem like the right word…but it also seems like the perfect word. i have experienced great love and great loss and while sometimes the two seem conflated, they are both things that reminded me that i am alive. and each day is a gift. even when it feels like a curse. maybe even especially then.
we're told love smells like roses but it turns out it smells like chlorine. like hospitals and fear. like anger. and helplessness. sometimes loving someone also means giving that person up. giving something up is a part of love, just as love is a part of life.
and while i was living in a phoebe bridgers song that seemed like it would never end, selena gomez started feeling it mr. krabs via the tiktok comments about her ex-babybabybabyOH’s wife. and the stan armies have not really had a battle to raise arms against since nicki minaj’s cousin and his giant testicles (that seem to have recovered just fine. allegedly, of course.) but the only “celebrity” product lines i have purchased from are Real Stars (of the show vanderpump rules3 and the food network’s darling Thee Pioner Woman) so i really had no dog in this sorry mid-off! i know it has been slow in celebrity drama news…but…come on… the only selena drama i care about is how you fall out with someone’s whose organ is inside you…saving your damn life!!!! and much like people who still participate in MLMs on facebook, i am comforted by the hailey baldwin biebers of the world just doing their thing. and it will never be any of my business! especially when the majority of their “beef” is them being Basic Queens with basic hobbies and falling for a pisces man… if anything we should be gathered together in prayer for them.
one person who does not need our prayers but possibly our thoughts is ariana debose. while her breathy rap that touched me (in a way that nothing has since nicole kidman invented going the movies) has been on loop on my timelines and group chats for weeks, i can imagine it has not been maybe her favourite time to be alive. as someone who used to perform karaoke and dance routines for family and friends, i know all too well the feeling when your Art is not received the way you intended it. but i hope she is in the studio crafting a million more ways to enunciate celebrity names because other than princess diaries 3, i can think of nothing else that could truly heal our nation. our world, even.
speaking of moments that could unite nations, shakira is back. and she did not come back for 30% of her stolen jam… she came back for the entire jelly farm. ok…so maybe the line that i watch andrew garfield deliver at least once a week can not be moulded into an appropriate form to describe shakira dropping a diss track after being in her whitney houston it’s not right but it’s ok era and busting her man for being someone whose hips never stop lying. cheating is always one of the lowest things someone can do but cheating in the house/bed you share with your partner?!?! you’re lucky that you’re only metaphorically getting buried beneath bars and not pushing daisies! shakira’s diss track not only rallied nations behind her but she seems to have been revitalised by losing the deadweight LOSER and is dropping tracks and looking hotter than ever. sorry meghan trainor but you are not MY mother…
and despite having my heart crushed in different ways throughout the month, nothing broke me like the month closing out/pisces season beginning with the announcement that the new season of succession would be the last… what if i was suicidal, jesse?? i would expect this from jesse but eh tu georgia?? the light of my life!!! how could you do this to specifically me! many fans and much better writers than i will tell you that this is great news because the show is ending on its own terms… ok…………and i mean this from the very bottom of my cold dead heart…FUCK YOU! i would watch 20 more seasons of succession! greg hosting a drew barrymore style talk show! frank having an anthony weiner style scandal. shiv having an elin woods Moment! (she deserves!) logan roy becoming a tiktok star! i need at least two seasons more: one dedicated to connor’s presidential run/win and one dedicated to greg’s lawsuit against greenpeace! alas, life is cruel and unforgiving so i will have to settle for 10 measly more episodes… on the bright side, if you have been living under a rock and still have not watched the tv show that actually inspired most of shakespeare’s work…next week the idiot’s guide to succession will drop and i will finally unveil who i think will win the game of (very expensive) rolling chair thrones.
feb favourites
favourite article: in honour of valentine’s day, bringing back one of my favourite articles of all time that has my favourite headline of all time
favourite book: the will to change: men, masculinity, and love by bell hooks. in many ways, bell hooks was the max martin of literature. the girls that get it get it…
i love reading one star reviews of books i enjoyed on goodreads and this book may have inspired my favourite one yet because i have so many follow up questions! and also because i thought he ended his life after reading this book which almost made him an icon because i too feel like ending it all when confronted with even slightly harsh realities and the concept of change!
favourite movie: everything everywhere all at once. “a queer daughter searches the multiverse for a version of her mother that loves her.”
favourite tv show: tiktok. sorry al gore for using your internet this way… but my fyp is perfect. i have seen others’ and i am not being facetious, i am simply stating #facts.
favourite song: while many are worshipping at the altar of the dizzy bitch anthem sweeping the nation (ceilings by lizzy mcalpine) i relistened ON LOOP to john mayer’s friend’s (funny how he always befriends the youngest rising stars.. you could even say we get older but his inner circle stays the same age.. HMMMMM) dramatic banger doomsday. “it’s ONLY the death of me” is such a me thing to say. my virgo sister in christ is a hit factory and i recommend visiting her discography if you enjoy white girl enunciating bananas energy but with much better vocals.
favourite album: for over a decade, when things have not gone according to my meticulously mapped out plan, there is one album that has my back. whether it be a broken heart, bad grades, tragedy, spilled milk, etc… mitski’s 2012 masterpiece lush has the perfect song for them all. i may be relating a little too much to brand new city lately…
i am crawling towards the finish line of pisces season into aries season… so close… once the succession guide and a couple of secret posts for paid subscribers drop in the next week or so i will finally finish “the twitch exposé” and actually ACTUALLY get back to our regularly scheduled programming (and more traditional format of peaks and valleys)…. i did get dumped on valentines day in a breakup that actually lasted two weeks so don’t yell at me… the stress did make me lose 15 pounds in that two weeks, though. so turns out that while most things taste better than skinny feels, nothing tastes That good when you’re questioning your worth and value and capacity to be loved by romantic, platonic, and familial relations?! i am joking!! or am i… only time will tell!
until then
xx
no, i will not be elaborating! it is exactly how it sounds… when bey said “don’t you ever get to thinking” in 2007 i took that shit to heart…
one day you will all understand the optimistic gospel of my lorde and saviour….
i wish i was joking. stassi may be the only cast member i have not purchased from in any capacity. i have enjoyed all my other purchases from the other witches of weho, kristina’s etsy store, kristen’s incredible clothing company, tom and ariana’s (rip) various endeavours, all endeavours of schwartzy (i’m toxic)… to name a few… i love entrepreneurial spirits…