mondays are notoriously ungodly and this one is no exception.
not even a photo of ben affleck reflecting on his back tattoo while reclining on the better half of bennifer1 could be a beacon of light for me amongst all the disheartening things that have come across my desk the past few days…..
feminism left my body as the senate decides whether or not to force women to register for the draft….in 2021…..definitely not alarming or anything !
david dobrik celebrated his birthday by having his bestie/assistant go on a podcast to say that cancel culture is just so rude!!! he is a sweet boy! and was just there2 and the “other guy” was the one who did a bad thing aka rape. and that time where he literally almost killed his friend being reckless with a excavator for a vlog last summer is water under the bridge! his friend has had many surgeries and still has significant brain damage but c’est la vie baby!!! cancel culture truly got him good gal! he had to sit in his multimillion dollar mansion for a whole MONTH without posting instagram stories of his lunch and instagram models being drunk! we lift him up in our prayers as always !
daboomer and toy story lanez have sadly still not fallen off this hellscape flat earth and continue to make us ponder the age old question: do men deserve rights?
covid and its greek brothers and sisters continue to rage on almost as hard as the people denying its existence! i heard the new yeezy drop features a dope iron lung so maybe i will hit the streets before kanye’s latest collection of audio recordings for christ will!
speaking of kanye, the most important olympics of all has kicked off this summer. Most Divorced Man on Earth. who will emerge the victor? kanye? ben affleck? billiam gates? jeff bozo’s fillers?
the Other olympics kicked off in tokyo. and while i thought the worst news were the discriminations carried out against namibian sprinters christine mboma & beatrice masilingi and our very own sha’carrie but full leniency for alen hadzic. or even the runner who tested positive for steroids which she claimed was just from a food truck pork burrito. but all that paled in comparison to actually hearing 24 year old simone biles say that part of the reason she did not retire was out of fear that her being the sole active elite gymnast that is a survivor of larry nassar’s abuse would make accountability for USAG less likely.
mat george was one of the funniest, kindest, and skinniest people on the planet and certainly on the internet. he was killed in a hit and run last week. people have been lamenting some of the funniest memories of him and it has slightly eased the pain of his passing. losing anyone tragically (or at all) especially so young is always sad but it is especially devastating losing such a light during these dark times. rip skinny legend.
another day of britney not being free.
no further updates on the total damage on the music industry by jordan firstman.
this is such a weird time. so much is wrong and bad that it is hard to find the good, let alone enjoy it. but life is short and ultimately, to quote shiv fucking roy, we are just people in rooms trying to be happy. i hope this email finds you well. stay safe and stay tuned into azealia banks’s instagram. she posts a lot and i need someone to keep tabs on when she finally reveals she finished her screenplay of her time as elon’s literal prisoner!
xx
i am a lamb before i am human so this pains me to say. i am also team ashanti. however, jlo has given me many acting Moments while i guess technically ben was in gone girl.
he was simply there to film for his vlog, invite the girls over, provide alcohol for them, say in a voiceover of the posted vlog that it tooks hours of “master negotiating” before two girls conceded to have sex with his hometown bestie, film outside the door and take turns popping their head in while they had sex, stay until after 1am and watch one of the girls being physically carried by her friends out of the apartment he rented, go back to film the next day because he needed “a better ending”, and end that new segment with him and friends laughing about how they were all going to jail. other than that, he did nothing!! he was not the one who committed sexual assault so totally innocent victim of cancel culture ofc!!!