peaks and valleys: august 2021
do you remember? rememberwhenipulledupandsaidgetinthecarandandthencancelledmyplansjustincaseyoucalledbackwheniwaslivingforthehopeofitall
PEAKS
another day on the internet, another misogynist loser made a loser video on tiktok. except this time, the internet collectively gathered him together (so relentlessly for days that he wiped most of his social media) but none did it better than somebody’s grandma. even though height truther tiktok is my favourite side of tiktok, the way this grandma truly deserves leo’s oscar (more than he ever will for That movie) for what most critics are calling The Performance of the Year!!
one direction losing their verification??? losing my mind!!! what if this was my breaking point, jack??? 31 million followers!!! truly so funny! even the social media manager gave up trying to pretend one direction is “on hiatus”
music releases from my mother, my sister, and the person who made me even more annoying in 2015:
MY QUEEN MOTHER did it again! barbra streisand really made release me 2 specifically for moi!!! how else do you explain kermie and willie features!!!! my two favourite men that are absolutely stupid with the pen!
solar power! i actually wrote a review of the album but am sitting on it until the world is more prepared to embrace the gospel of our lorde and saviour! she is happy!!! absolutely in her unrelatable era but if i can blissfully keep the housewives’ pockets lined with my streams, i can definitely add my sister ella’s album where she repeatedly refers to her middle aged boyfriend as “boy”. my current favourite is secrets from a girl (who’s seen it all).
halsey also did what needed to be done! trent and atticus put their whole pussy in yet another project!!!! unfortunately, i was evacuating when her movie dropped in imax so i am hoping my favourite mall performer will be unable to resist a streaming service bag sooner rather than later!
youtube forcing me to remember how many episodes of the real housewives i have consumed when they set me down a dark path of recommendations! truly have seen every franchise and there have been so many Moments but none like phaedra’s legendary read of kenya that did not make my list of favourites because it makes me *almost* feel empathy for kenya but it truly should be typed out and hung in the damn moma!!! i revisit it often just to Feel Something
taylor swift confirming all too well ten minute version.
this has been a really weird month for me between evacuating from a hurricane, anniversaries of hurricanes that greatly impacted mine and the lives of people i love (1 year since laura, 16 since katrina), cashing out my vacation hours and having a staycation plan that got thwarted by my little sister getting covid (again), moving aforementioned baby sister to college, travelling out of town for work, watching That Video of james cordon i will never be able to cleanse my nightmares of, etc…but rewatching it’s always sunny in philadelphia has been a rare bright spot. forever grateful 2 my king rob mcelhenny (despite his current business dealings my enemy ryan reynolds). i am still sitting on a fancam of him and kaitlin olson (aka the couple that ryan renolds and blake lively think that they are) that is so is very deranged even for me and i made this.
as a diehard member of the jermz, nothing has made me scream and throw up more than hunter harris’s beyonce self titled Moment when she slipped away (much like august and bottles of wine) into the tuscan sun for two weeks to profile the cast of succession as they filmed season 3! imagining jeremy strong broodily engaging hunter about the author of the serpent and the rainbow’s rolling stone article and other self-serious references in his mumbly confident way will keep me warm during the cold autumn days until succession airs in october on the worst app created by satan himself, hbomax!
VALLEYS
james corden thrusting. i am a child of god so i will not further spread the suffering if you have been lucky enough to have been spared from viewing my best friend’s birthday twin’s latest act of domestic terror. HE CANNOT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS!!!!!!!!!!
tvtime. i wish i had never had been introduced to this app. as a virgo moon, i have been obsessively updating it for the past few weeks as i actively watch/remember other things i have watched. guess i cannot blame the app for making me faces the consequences of my choice to carry the entire entertainment industry on my back for my entire life. it’s very bad for me i fear….
chloe bailey being in her sky ferriera era this month…….
evacuating from a hurricane! a year after the most recent hurricane blasted through my town, another bitchass hot water clown did significant damage to louisiana! hitting new orleans on the sixteenth anniversary of katrina is truly so nasty!!! was able to introduce a whole new generation to the only kanye work i care to indulge these days! my house ended up being fine but both sets of my grandparents were not so lucky and so many others posted of their struggles on facebook which i read in my cramped hotel room and sobbed!!! to help those affected by hurricane ida:
kottyjah on venmo/paypal/cashapp! (she is truly On The Ground and works for forevercalcasieu.com where you can also apply for assistance if you are someone affected by hurricane ida)
paypal.me/cajunnavyrelief /// cajunnavyrelief.com for volunteer options /// help.cajunnavyrelief.com for hurricane rescue
imagine water works nonprofit’s mutual aid that directly helps support and relieve those affected by hurricane ida and helps residents also prepare for the rest of hurricane season since this is only the beginning of storm season :-(
taylor swift announcing all too well ten minute version.
The Heat (no melissa mccarthy) ! people that enjoy getting blasted by the arch nemesis of icarus and/or the unrelenting humidity…why are you lying!?!
wake me up when september ends i guess……until then, i will be waiting behind the mall finishing parts 4&5 of my free britney series.
xx