i am going to make you a shower you cannot refuse
it's getting weird... (and smelly)
this week, rihanna’s fenty beauty launched fenty fragrance and sold out almost immediately. it restocked later that day…but just as quickly sold out. sadly, i missed the fenty boat on this launch so i will have to continue to nurse the last droplets of rihanna’s crush until the next restock.
i love skincare!!! and fragrance is skincare for dummies, so j’adore!! i own too many different types of fragrances but truly this walgreen’s bottle of bOdY miSt is the most complimented scent i wear. even guilty by gucci (of lady gaga’s house of trailer fame) cannot compete with this nordstrom rack fool’s gold!
but speaking of fools and unforgettable scents…..this week has launched the worst hollywood sequel to date, as celebrities galore chimed in about their bathing habits. or continued lack thereof.
a lot of my friends mark their calendars around the time dakota johnson and ellen celebrated the comedy of tig notaro in a very Intense and confrontational way.
but for me, i am haunted by/too often reflect on the time that tayla swiff went on ellen to announce she does not wash her legs; she simply shaves them daily. it has been over two years and i still find myself unable to unpack both the unwashing and the daily leg shave! but at least my sister is jumping in the bath daily! a lot of our cousins certainly cannot say the same.
kid rock grew up in a house with multiple bathrooms but built his career around never stepping foot in a single one.
jake gyllenhaal, known for his uncouth public use of forks and sometimes acting, loves brushing his teeth. but believes “there’s a whole world of not bathing that is ALSO really good for skin maintenance”. whatever that means.
former meth smoker and current podcast host, dax shepard continued gyllenhaal’s belief that “we naturally clean ourselves” when he told his podcast cohost to only wash with water to avoid “getting rid of the natural oil of your skin with a bar of soap everyday”.
“if you see dirt on them, clean them. otherwise, there’s no point.” mila kunis said on the same podcast, not reflecting on a pair of sunglasses but rather her children. her husband took a break from being real life lex luthor to add that he subscribes to the 2-star rated lever soap on his “armpits and crotch daily. and nothing else. ever.”
no word from matt damon or papa john yet but heard they have been extremely busy working hard to remove certain words from their vocabulary. and while the rock, chris evans, and jason momoa are decent kings that have fortunately beat the stinky allegations, many more of their lizard brained coworkers have not been so lucky.
my favourite take is that celebrities are getting ready for water austerity. it certainly makes it more palatable as your fave inevitably reveals washing their legs was something they had only heard about on the internet.
regardless, if you do not know any white celebrities that have lenient bathing policies, you may be the stinky white celebrity. and that would i guess be ok if this was not the hottest summer of the past fifty years and will likely be the coolest summer of the next fifty years. meaning it is hot outside. and a pack of washrags costs maybe eight quarters!!! belcalis and i are begging you guys! PLEASE!
covid has taken so much from us already. maybe some of you have permanently lost your sense of smell, but spare a thought (and a shower) for those of us who can still smell very, very well. pro-death anti-maskers need to be less worried about carbon monoxide and more about the odours that my mask does not protect me from.
i am sure that you, dear readers, are all smelling wonderfully from your regular bathing routines. but i will provide a starter pack that will help you start the conversation with some of your less sanitary-minded acquaintances.
wash rag: budget / affordable / luxury / my favourite
loufah: budget / affordable / luxury / my favourite
soap: budget / affordable / luxury / my favourite
lotion: budget / affordable / luxury / my favourite
deodorant: budget / affordable / luxury / my favourite
fragrance: budget / affordable / luxury / my favourite
bathing really is a choose your own adventure but it is choice that must be chosen! happy bathing!!!
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here’s what you may have missed last week in part one of my free britney series for paid subscribers:
this week, all eyes on the romantic suitors in britney’s life since she been in the conservatorshipS. how does someone legally declared not a person date? still unclear!!!!!! everything is bad! and as i am posting this, her dad’s favourite publication to talk to, tmz, announced he was stepping down from the conservatorship. no definitive timeline on his exit though, naturally! he probably will still be working on that when he gets his very own spotlight in four weeks!