FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: the las culturistas culture awards, part deux
to have some pure innocent fun, cast YOUR votes using #LCCAs on twitter to be a publicist for your clients
have you been having a patrick star girl summer and living safely quarantined under a damn rock? the most prestigious award ceremony has even More categories announced for nomination suggestion for (still undetermined air date) The Las Culturistas: Culture Awards. the full announcements of categories can be found in audio form here and here, and in visual form here and here! this is a continuation of my nominations for the nominations, as the work of a publicist is never done!!!!
america’s next top model: BUFF CORRELL
best dressed: my king. my mentor. my president. report of the week.
the national park award for nature: the artis zoo in amsterdam.
“being homosexual is very common and no problem in the natural world at all. in fact, we see more heterophobia than homophobia in the animal kingdom.” -marine biologist @ artis
best dress:
jim and pam award for best chemistry: “you. my friend. now!” she almost moved to london, and i said NOPE. #kaylor
tic tac toe award for best simple game: go fish! simple with the possibility of cuntiness! a classic.
brenda award for name that no one gets named now or going forward: apple
most important item of clothing: whatever you think is most important for you to be able to daily look camp in the eye. could be a shirt. a scarf. perhaps, underwear? perhaps, not.
joy behar award for standup comedy: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRepRSQY/
the scream by edvard munch for best scream:
best google service: when i worshipped too heavily at the temple of jack antonoff (this was pre-lorde powerpoint so possibly darker as i frequented many different venues to hear his various bands play; shouts out to terminal 5) i was able to purchase his docuseries thank you and sorry. have not been able to watch it since purchasing it and watching it once. so i venture to say any service but the very confusing google play. but personal preference is the artist formerly known as google body now going by zygotebody
best google search: again, personal preference. for me, it’s billy crudup almost famous premiere toronto
best apple product of them all: iPad. she is vers. she is usually small but can be quite large, if you are into That. can be used to stream prestigious progamming or film such as master of disguise, play games, facetime friends or hot doctors, connect to a blutooth keyboard and clickety clack away, read a damn newspaper, etc. would probably be dead within minutes without mine
wandavision award for television: what we do in the shadows. not being facetious when i say i think about the the energy vampire’s internet troll storyline once a day!
victoria beckham award for outstanding achievement: bbc dance’s prerecorded programming interrupted by a certain breaking news bulletin
best new york neighbourhood: every single one that is not williamsburg post-2005
best los angeles neighbourhood: glendale. no further questions will be taken at this time.
best dallas/fort worth neighbourhood: arlington. the most sick i have ever been in my entire life is when i rode every single ride at six flags from 8am-4pm. felt my soul leave my body on the last rollercoaster. gorgeous places to visit related to science which explains why they are currently petitioning the governor to stop the political crusade against masks. texas legends
chris award for most timeless name: whitney elizabeth houston
best video game moment: ariana grande, fortnite (2021)
dragon award for animal we are not sure is real: as humans are famously animals, i nominate bowen yang and matt rogers. how can they be very real people when all evidence points to the opposite? how can two “people” be so talented, handsome, funny, charming, kind, Hot/sexy even, musically angelic, and know all the words to every nicki minaj song. made in a lab, more like??
vanilla coke award for “what happened to that?”: all interview footage of ryan gosling discussing his film “all good things”. he played robert durst, who would later be the star of the hbo series THE JINX (by the same director of the movie). it came out the same time as blue valentine, a movie he and i both loved. he was on conan saying he hated all good things because the set did not pass the vibe check. and the inspiration for the movie was on set….
now mister andrew jarecki (if that is even his real name) claimed to be only just meeting robert “what the hell did i do? killed em all, of course” durst for the first time while filming the docuseries the jinx after durst saw and “loved” all good things and agreed to meet. but why lie?? and why did robert durst get arrested the same day as the series finale in My new orleans?? while everyone was tuned into the fuzzy bathroom recordings of the series, i was taking one miss gina rodriguez’s advice and doing my research, mama! and ten years later i am still more confused than ever! WHY. LIE??? and why are all traces of my second favourite mouskateer speaking on this film (specifically about durst being on set)absolutely wiped from rihanna’s internet….
and yes, he gave some vague answers four years later when asked about the jinx but ??? what is the truth about all good things? an incredible kirsten dunst vehicle i put in my top 5 forever because it is so insane. the plot is so bonkers (yet strictly fact based!) and the cameos include lily rabe, kristen wiig, nick offerman, phillip baker hall, and frank langella. run don’t walk to your nearest redbox to see for your damn self!!!!
best taylor swift: i cannot even talk about This moment without crying. taylor and i have had our ups and downs since 2006 when i heart ? blasted through my stereo’s speakers but despite it All, i will always have jeong for her. ronan was released at the Height of my mommy blogger/vlogger phase and during my little cousin going through chemo so when taylor penned this song for stand up to cancer! based on the deceased three year old’s mom’s blogs……i never stood a chance. i think taylor loves games and riddles and Lying About Her Love Life through songs that her incredible songwriting gets lost in the folklore woods of it all but her power really shone through on the song i still cry when i hear. a storyteller!
best tayla swiff: thug story, cmt awards (2008). tpain saying “she didn’t even swear” is forever inked in my brain
best time: hard to say but one great story really delivered on her promise when she dropped this unbelievable book espionage tale into my inbox this week. also 16:20 lol
artist of the millennium: sweet joey vermouth. beat out the people that do slime and soap cutting asmr videos by a hair
happy campaigning! and to quote ellen after she probably told a staffer not to look her in the eyes, be kind to others!
xx