for your consideration: the las culturistas culture awards

matt rogers and bowen yang, i love you

tonight is the las culturistas culture awards live show. it actually started well over an hour ago. so yes, i am getting my nominations in at the midnight hour. perhaps even a hair too late. but as sky ferreira’s publicist, i can assuredly say better late than NEVER. so. without further ado, the nominees are:

biggest jester: the kool-aid man. like ?? ever heard of a door!!! grow up, captain kool-aid!

biggest flop: avatar. sorry if you worship at that temple. but james cameron, get a hobby! that is too many avatar movies.

biggest jester flop: the alliance of motion picture and television producers still not negotiating with the wga. just pay them already, you freaks!!!

biggest jester flop in the town square: tucker carlson. what happened to shame? you got fired for being a creep (a truly shocking plot twist everyone in the world is still trying to wrap their head around) so you are starting your flop show on twitter dot com??? the castle of the unemployed? good luck booking that stage …